Things I look in books.

I've always been a hardcore reader. Especially fictional books. And I have a thing with it. I can finish a whole book in a day given that I do nothing except reading and no joke, I could go all day with it. And weeks. Even months.

But that's bad. I have work to do. Husband and a child to attend to. And life to catch up. And I always take soooo much time when I am immersed in books. So I've been on rehab for quite some time. I missed reading books. When I dont splurge myself in books, I get impulsive buying over other things. Shoes, bags, everything else.

That one fine day, while waiting for my husband to arrive, I hang around at Tesco just opposite of my office, I was browsing shoes, bags, shoes & many other things but really, I am nearly broke. I saw Popular and I have this thought, oh might as well I just hang around in there, I might get few books. Might. What a strong word.

There are few criteria I find in books. You know how they say they are two types of person looking at menus? One will be looking for the type of food, one will check on the price first. So I am the latter.

1. Price. I will always check on the price of the books. I dont always find books that exceeds RM50.

2. Thickness. If the price exceeds RM50, I will check on the thickness of the books. If it's thick, it might worth it, no?



3. Content & font size. This is really important. Of course, I will read thru the synopsis first. And then I will check on the font size. If the font size is small to medium, means the words count is higher right? Given with the thickness of the book. If the font is too big, it might be wasteful because the word count is less and I might finish the book earlier than I immerse myself into it. Totally wasteful.



4. Best seller or Top selling. If it's best selling, cheap, quite thick with medium-sized font, it'll definitely worth it. Especially when the normal price exceeds RM50 and it sells for RM10, given the content is catchy and suits my taste, DEFINITELY A MUST BUY.

5. Type of book. My interest of book genres ranges widely. I can go with chick lit, and sadist book from 0-10. I love something investigative. Thrills. I dont know how can I describe it. It depends on the 3rd point. But really, I read mostly everything fictional. And I will try my best to avoid series. I had my hard time with Hunger Games back in 2010 and it cringes me waiting for the episodes to complete. Months of waiting for the third book to come out. Boy, it was excruciating.

And so, I scored two books. Both are at a discount and retails at RM10 each!

This book is soooooo thrilling. And personally me, when I read books, my imagination spikes up real high and at thrill scenes, I would have goosebumps. 

This book is one of the examples of criteria that fits nearly perfect for myself. Price, content, the thickness, font size. Everything. And it cringes me that I have like less than 5 chapters to end but I am currently working and I know I could finish it in less than 10 minutes but no, I am in working hours. Huwarghhhhh. 

And I will always have this one withdrawal moments after I read a book. Like my brain would imagine loads of what ifs, if it happens differently, everything. Goshhhh it might took days though. Hence, why I put myself in rehab for the past months. Books are sooooo addictive. But I always get back to it once I feel like my vocabularies needs a re-fix. And I also dont want to be onto phones now. I want my baby to inherit my love for books. I want my children to read. Strengthen their languages. 

And my baby boo already onto his 5th and 6th tooth!

Awhhhhh much love. So what are your criteria when buying a story books? 

Wasalam. Love, Nina M. 

Hari Raya Aidiladha

Its been so long since I update myself here. I've been quite busy with work and yesterday was by far the most tiring. My raya korban was quite dull. I got food poisoning on Hari Raya and missed out korban session with Kajang clan at Pak Ngah's house on Wednesday. Our plan was to sleepover at Klang on Thursday night because on Thursday, we're doing another korban and this one I am putting my name in. But sadly, after I had my rendang that morning, while I was packing, I felt light headed and grumbling tummy. I feel like wanting to vomit. So I told my husband I need to lie down a bit and will continue packing. He takes care of Harris while I was packing though, hence why I pack alone. And also for some reason, I love to do things my way. From a light nap, I shivered badly. I snuggled with my blanket. I was shivering and feeling extremely cold in middle of the afternoon. Husband checked my body temperature and boy, I am on fire. So we canceled our plan of going to Pak Ngah's house and might just go straight to kampung. But I was extremely weak. That night I thought of going to the clinic because we need to get some food too. But the clinic all closed. We went to Burger King for a drive thru, husband offered to send me back home because he doesnt want to burden me, at least I could rest at home but I shrugged him off. I said I could handle a bit in the car while waiting for the food. Boy I was soooooo wrong. I shivered, feeling extremely light headed and wanting to vomit so bad. I was dreading to go home. Poor husband, he must've feel bad. 

Once we reach home, I couldnt handle it, I went straight to the sink and vomit. Boy that feels so much better though. For all the neighbors that heard me, no I am not pregnant. After that, I feel like I want to poop. Hence, the diarrhea. I still thought I was having a normal fever though. But its been sooooo long since I had it this bad. 

It was an excruciating night for me spending most of my nights inside the toilet. With my body still aching everywhere, light headed. Thursday morning, we decided that we should attend the korban, but we arrived late. I was struggling with my diarrhea and husband had not enough sleep because he had to attend to clingy Harris and he couldnt even take a nap. We arrived by the time the lapah activities almost done. My grandma and mama wont let me do anything and just asked me to lie down upstairs. It was a hot day, but I am on my jumper, sweatpants and winter socks. I am so cold! I havent eat anything too. I tend to vomit and poop everything I eat. But I was craving for the sup tulang though. And after its done, husband called me to eat and mama gave me one plate full of it. I ate and feel a bit better, then I continue sleeping. 

Right after the korban, we went back and husband straight took me to the clinic. And yea, its food poisoning and highly possible from the rendang I ate on Wednesday morning. Husband eats it too but maybe I have a bit more sensitive tummy than he does. I got two days MC, means no salary deducted yeay. Since I dont have anymore leave. 

Now I still have a bit of traumatic feeling wanting to eat anything. But really, not eating spicy? I just cant resist. Its too sedap. 

I am soooooo happy that I managed to do korban this year. Alhamdulillah. Despite pity husband that he missed out this year's korban again, (not helping with the slaughtering whatnot), I wish we could join for korban next year and this time, I really hope he can join. In sha Allah.

So right now I am quite busy with work. Chows. 

Wasalam. Love, Nina M. 

 

Breastfeeding commitment 2.0

So in the last post, my breast pump wont work. The pump is still in good condition but there's no suction. I came home, tried another set of the bottle but still, doesnt work. I was so pissed. So so pissed. I came home with pain in my breast, wet shirt and still nothing works for me. Plus, with the car still in the workshop in Petaling Jaya, and loads of other things to pay, really, life sucks.

I was already considering to buy a very pricey breast pump because I just couldnt find out what's wrong with my breast pump. And if I were to get cheap ones, its still not that satisfying. But really, money is my biggest problem. A day without pumping was excruciating. My uniform drenched with breast milk and the pain arghhh. So I told my husband if we could go to buy a new pump. I wasnt expecting to get pricey ones because I really wanted to be very thorough in my pick, I dont want to regret buying the one I dont like. I was thinking of getting a manual pump just to survive another day at work. And so I did. Last night, I pumped, it was tiring......... And I got this idea of trying to switch the duckbill because the old one is torn but I never thought its the main problem since its torn for quite some time already and never affected the suction. Thankfully it fits quite nicely and when I tried pumping using the pump, IT WORKS. It bloody works! And so that's the main problem. The duckbill valve was already torn quite bad that it wont function well anymore.

In case you're wondering what is duckbill valve for breast pumps.....

This one is for Real Bubbee and its hard to get anywhere unless online. And luckily, my manual breast pump's duckbill valve which is the Pureen one fits just nice. 

So I'm going to have to search for this duckbill valve online or find stores that sells it. So yea, I am not planning to get a new breastpump, just gonna replace few accessories since that's the only thing I can afford at the moment. 

Today, I commit myself to pumping for every 2 hours. And I know I have to do it consistently for a month or two to have good results. I really wish I could improve my milk production. Formula milk are so pricey. I am trying to keep a very positive mindset and try to lessen stress at work and at home so that my body could produce more milk. You know, stressing about not being able to produce more milk also affect body milk production. So I gotta keep a positive mind. In sha Allah. I really hope one by one my problems will be solved because really, I dont know how long I could take trying to calm myself down. 

Now I am practicing to not get ticked off so easily. By means, I tried to respond to people nicely, and will try and keep calm if anything bad happens. Really, I am trying. And I am so looking forward for the good things that'll come. I really do. And I want to. If its good for me, it sure gonna come, right? 

Its Friday and I am welcoming this weekend. Which of course, with so many events to attend to. Positive nina!

Wasalam. Love, Nina M.

Breast feeding commitment.

For the first 6 months of Harris, alhamdulillah, I am able to breast feed him fully, this means no formula milk at all. But since then, Harris's milk demand starting to increase and I have less time to pump since I'm working, and now I only get to pump only once a day which I normally gets like 13-15 ounce only. And around 7 months, I started introduce him with formula milk. Now he's currently on my EBM and also formula milk, KariHome Goat Milk. And god knows, how pricey is that. And even so, they only come with small tin and Harris can finish that in less than 2 weeks if I fail to pump around 15 ounce a day.

I really wanted to commit in pumping. And I know my body can produce more milk, but I just dont have the time to pump. Due to my irregular and lack of pumping, my milk supply is becoming so slow in filling. Early days, I would experience bengkak susu after 2 hours, and then 4 hours, now, I barely get any bengkak susu. Its saddening.

Committing to pumping is not easy. Especially when you dont have the right tools. But you know, breast pumps are so pricey. I really cant afford it. My first breast pump only cost me 50 bucks from Shopee and sad to say, its hard for me to pump at my cubicle because its not handsfree and the pumping machine is too loud.

And what saddens me even more, I tried pumping this afternoon but I cant. I dont know whether the machine is broken or what. The pumping power is strong but the suction is almost to none. So really, I really am dreading to go home to switch to another bottle and try to find out whats wrong with it. I already got everything prepared to pump at my cubicle but then this happens.

I wanted to get a new set of pump but I just cant afford it now. Also now my car broke down and it cost me 1k+ to repair it which I just dont have the money noww. And I need to reinstate my insurance which cost me 500+ and few other things I need to buy. Now I want to cry. Why is everything bad happens to me like all in one time?????

Less pumping, less milk supply, more money spent on formula milk. No car to go to work. No insurance. I've becoming so stress that I cried at my cubicle, I cried at the toilet, I bawled my eyes out after ages of never crying.

Just gonna continue crying. What the hell. Fml.

Impatient

I hated how impatient I can be at times. I dont know. I should be thankful for so many things. But when one hardship comes, I just tend to blow up. The im-pissed-at-god-for-doing-this-to-me kind of blow up.

Being redha or grateful is far far from me. I just tend to not be grateful and when things get hard, I dont redha. I will get pissed at everyone for being the reason that this happens to me and damn it.

Seriously though. I am just pissed right now. There's a lot of things I know I should do. Like being grateful. List out all the good things instead of focusing on the wrong things. See life in a bigger picture. All that shit. But of course, me myself and I decided to be mad about all the petty things. I mean, to me, its not that petty. Its bigggg. Of course, I control my life. I decide what can be big and what can minimize. But of course, I choose to make such a big fuss over small things.

You know, I realize all that. I do. But I just cant do anything about it. Negativity consumes me. Ego. Gigantic ass ego. Haihhhhh. 

At times, I would be pissed off why I choose to get married early. I should be single, living happily, go travel, spend money for myself. All that shit. But no, I decided to settle down. And what do I do with my choice? Am I happy? Is this the life I wanted?

I DONT KNOW.

There's like super loads of things I should be happy about. But I choose to be pissed off over one mistakes. Over one hardships. Over one hurdles. Obstacles. That even barely come say hi!

Gila ah tak bersyukur aku ni. 

I have a loving husband, even he's not perfect, he loves me unconditionally. I have a super happy go lucky baby that clings to me like a koala and I'm pretty sure all mothers loves that. Who doesnt? I'm just too shitty to realize that shit. Too ego, too negative. Damn I hate myself.

I'm just gonna crawl back into the deepest crook in my body, my heart and rot.

Few things I am doing differently starting today.

Reduce my screen time. 

Seriously, for the past few days, I've been having this headache right in the middle of my forehead, in between my eyes and I can say that its because I've been staring at my phones for so long and my eyes is really stressed out. And I got to stop playing games, scrolling instagram & twitter like everytime, includes while breastfeeding Harris, while pumping milk, while watching tv, literally, ALL THE TIME I COULD GET MY HANDS ON MY PHONE. Working is enough with staring at the PC which is excruciating and tiring too. 

Spend more time with Harris. 

Weekends is the only time I would be taking care of Harris full time and also, I could always still be on the phone scrolling while taking care of him! I guess point 1 and 2 relates in so many ways. And I bet that my upcoming points relates too. Damn. Harris is in a phase where he learns to pick up all the habits and this means good and bad habits I tend to do too. I should also learn to tone down my voice and less whining to Harris. 

Prepare lunch box to work. 

This is crucial and I wish and I hope I will and can commit to this forever. 

Be more diligent in house chores. 

House chores are exciting to me. It is! And I love doing it. I love cleaning the kitchen, cleaning the house, cooks for Harris, finding new recipes for Harris. BUT. I love scrolling the social medias too. After I finish doing house chores that I love, and left with folding the clothes, or unpacking, I would end up on the sofa, scrolling twitter & instagram. While Harris is left with toys. I am such a bad mother, right? I should be helping him stand, help him walk, I mean spend time with him, not on the phone. 

Told you every points relate to the first. 

So what would you do differently? 

Wasalam. Love, Nina M. 

The many faces and my new favorite routine.

Jeng jeng, my new favorite routine would be, cooking! Well not that professional though. Just doing it makes me happy and I love to see my husband and Harris eating what I cook for them because I definitely bless all my cooking with love and passion. Be it simple cooking, they loved it.

But sure, cooking is tiring and when whatever you want to cook doesnt turn out real good, I would be pissed and disappointed too. I'm becoming more excited to look at recipes and try them and also manipulate it to my own taste buds. It's exciting.

In my office, majority of them tapau their lunch. They cook at home and bring to the office for lunch. And I often have less friends to eat with. So I was thinking, now that I have my own kitchen, why not I cook extra to tapau also. I mean, make my own lunch box. I did offer this to my husband but he said his work schedule is pretty much very random and he seldom get any time for lunch. He usually get big breakfast and only eat at home. While me, always eating. So for this week, I committed myself to cooking, and waking up early in the morning to prepare for my lunch box. And alhamdulillah, I've done it for 4 days straight! What excites me the most is the amount of cash I still have in my purse that I get to save. Now I only buy breakfast and that cost me like RM2 and I also bring hot drink from home or make it in the office, or I'll just drink normal plain water. It saves a lot. And I realized less wastage due to non-heavy cooking.

On weekdays, we usually would cook simple dishes, which doesnt require much energy and fast. Even on weekends, we dont get to cook that much due to many invitations. Hence, all the meat and chicken, fish, etc all left out. We even take weeks to finish one whole chicken. Because we only eat like two pieces in one meal. So I decided why not I spend a bit of energy to cook more and not just simple dishes, and I could bring them for my lunch tomorrow. Its like killing two bird with one stone. And for that, I bought myself a lunch box!

So cute right? I know so. Haha hence, why I bought it. It makes me even more spirited to make myself lunch! And also since I need a stainless steel container for Harris's meal when travelling. So yeah, its for me and Harris too. And for husband, if he decides to share. Hahaha.

It was yesterday that husband picked me up quite late and the office closed right at 6pm so I have nowhere to go. And suddenly remembering all those things I might want to get so might as well I walked to Tesco which is just a walking distance away along with my colleagues that parked their car there. It was a bit of a hassle because I have like so much on my hand. My milk bag, my handbag & my lunch bag. So I went to Mr. DIY to get some stuffs when I saw this cute lunch box. Not a single minute I regretted getting this little cutie pie. Its an investment!

Here's to more saving money!


So, I've been committing myself into be presentable everyday right. But I know I just cant get rid of those eye bags. And I dont know why my face always look so sloppy in the morning, or even all the time! I wear bb cushion everyday now, since I cant pray and why not. I need to look presentable too. While waiting for this purging phase to end. (I wish!)

So just for the many faces of me, yesterday and today. And my eyes is extra baggy today because I sleep late last night. Because I did power pumping last night to enhance my milk supply and save more on the FM. I just really got my eye on saving right hahhaha.

I still cant get used to wearing that round spec though. And I still want husband to try and repair my old ones. I want it backkkk. I know I should be getting a new one but since I am now in a saving mode, so hahahaha.

The forever ugly faces of Amalina. I did ask my husband so many times, am I pretty? And you know what his answer is???? Of course you dont know....

NO.

BUT.

He said I've this one attractive feature, that he sees me as a sweet person. Something sweet. Not pretty, but sweet. Well, I'd take that. Bahahahhahaha.

Wasalam. Love, Nina M.

Period pain 2.0

I cant remember the last time I had this pain. I am at work today. Last night, I get to sleep so soundly, though a bit cramps on the tummy but still, bearable. And this morning I wake up feeling okay? I dont know, cant really tell. But okay enough to be able to get up and shower and prepare everything and today I wear boots. Because yesterday was cold, and I know I cant handle air-cond and since I dont have any sneakers and so I only have my so-called winter boots (which you know never met winter). And I'm so scared that I might regret this but boy, no. I loved wearing my boots now. Because it warms my feet nicely and probably because this office is so close to winter weather?

So right now I'm at the office, doing my work, and still having cramps and my back, neck, are aching so badly. I want to cry. Really. None of the position could relieve the pain. Be it standing, hunching, leaning, neither! And really, I wish I have winter gloves too. And winter mask. And winter clothing. There's no sunlight into the office at all. I am freezing!

And since yesterday, I've been having this dizziness and headache that I feel like I want to knock my head on the wall. Seriously. Even when I closed my eyes, it still wont be gone. I dont know whether its the low blood pressure, or the period, or just lack of rest (forever) me, but seriously, I am having this headache until now. Eventhough I get to sleep early last night, its not such a good night sleep. Because I need to breastfeed my baby so my 80% person of sleep position would be on my side. Its soothing, at times, not all the time. So yea, it doesnt help much. Which I know also contributes to my back ache and neck ache now.

I cant just simply take any pills though, so just gonna bear with it. I really wish I could lay on my bed, with hot packs on my tummy, cuddle in my blanket, just really lie down because my back is hurting so badly.

This post is merely me whining. I know. But I dont regret having to breastfeed my baby all the time. I dont regret doing chores. I dont regret getting any pain. I gotta learn to endure every pain and go through all obstacles while in pain. Practice for next labor pain too, in sha Allah.

Photo credit: Google

Wasalam. Love, Nina M.

Period pain

I spoke too soon. Remember my previous post on how I no longer have my period pain? I mean, the pain is still there but its bearable yada yada all that. I cant remember my previous period though. But I'm pretty sure its not this painful. Because I handle it just fine. It's my third time of period after I gave birth last year. My first and second was bearable. And my third time, it came a day earlier which is today. It's supposed to be tomorrow. I was unprepared and thankfully I have a friend with extra pads, just my kind, alhamdulillah. But now, here's the thing. It is painful. I am dreading every steps I take because my hips, back and tummy ache like mad. But not to the point that makes me feel like I wanna faint or anything. I also didnt vomit anything. I ate my lunch. And now, really its painful. I really dont want to get up from my seat. I just want to stay seated and hunching my body forward because I cant sit up straight. Cramping on my tummy.



I couldnt afford on taking another leave tomorrow because I had my Emergency Leave yesterday because Harris was not feeling well and KakNa also have emergencies when her sister in law passed away so she'll be away for a day. And alhamdulillah, I didnt get my period and experience period pain yesterday, if not I wont be able to take care of Harris at all.

I got less than 2 hours to kill and really, sitting in an air-conditioned office is excruciating for a person like me. On daily basis, I also doesnt fancy aircond. And now, with period pain, a definite no no. But I cant turn off the aircond. Sigh. So here I am, with my cardigan on, fingers turning blue, face so pale, and a new zit came uninvited.

I told my husband I wont be able to cook and take care of Harris today. This month's pain is somewhat, painful. Bearable still, given that no aircond and got hot packs on my tummy. I just hope the pain will subside tonight so I dont need to get MC tomorrow. I gotta learn to just let the pain flow. Let it go. Let the muscle cramps and relax. The more I cringe, the more painful its gonna be. And I need to sleep. But who can sleep with the cctv directing at me??? Well of course, its working hours.

Not gonna stop taking selfie though. I hate how barai my face looks everyday. I really need to stop relying on spectacles to cover on my what it seems to be sleepy and sloppy face. I should get a contact lens or train myself to not always wear specs so I could learn to have ready-face expressions.

Praying for my period pain to subside. I have chores to be done at home.

Wasalam. Love, Nina M.

Anis's so-called-birthday meet ups/party

This girl has been my friends for nearly 10 years. Close friends to be exact. I dont even know how we click to each other. Form 1 was normal, I dont even know her that much. But I was always with Rommanah who happens to be quite close with Anis & Shahanim was always with Anis. So I dont know how we all four get together. We even have this name Romamanisha. Lol. Those were the days. But Anis is the one whom I've been so closely in contact with for the past years as Rom & Sha studied so far away. Only recently that we often arranged meet-ups just to gather all four of us.

So Anis's birthday was on 22nd July. Damn I really appreciate this girl for being there for me like so many times, heard all my whining, my cries. I remember I drove to Shah Alam on the first night my ex dumped me, who happens to be my husband now hahahaha.

On her birthday, Rom was coming into town and brought us all durian! So they all decided we should all gather at my house, wearing blue jeans and white blouse. So we did, we had lunch, tea time, fruits here and there, golek-golek, chit chat. Husband kindly went out to repair his bike to let us have a time and house for ourselves which is so nice of him! All this thing make us reminisce those days in hostel. Haihh I miss all that.

The girls. From left, me, Shahanim, Rom & Anis. Shahanim is newly weds while Rom & Anis is still single and actively looking. We all have different professions except for Rom & Shahanim as both of them are doctors. Anis is an auditor while me, an engineer.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANIS! You have been the kind of friend that is so reliable and I pray for the best in your future, in sha Allah.

I love meet-ups like this. All my dreams of organizing a meet-ups/party/sleepover/hangouts with friends are somehow can be done, in sha Allah. Probably gonna organize a doa selamat/house warming event later.

Wasalam. Love, Nina M.

Sick days and still at it now.

Taking care of a sick baby really is tiring is definitely an understatement. But here's an unpopular opinion; taking care of a sick baby while being sick is 2 times harder! I've been having headaches for few days before, I assume its due to my lack of rest and flu, and yesterday was, well thats it, MC it is. Harris falls sick two days before, which also a contributing factor to my lack of rest and being sick afterwards. So yesterday, Harris's temperature was a bit too high and worrying as he become less active and then I'm starting to feel quite feverish. So I told my husband that I need to take MC because Harris clings to me most of the time and I also need rest. Well, I was wrong for the latter reason. I went to the clinic to take meds while husband at home taking care of Harris. He went to work a bit late because I dont want to be walking to the clinic with Harris. I'm afraid that I will collapse. My body temperature was 37.5 and ever since I start getting headache, I didnt consume any meds like Panadol or anything because I have to be very careful since I am still breastfeeding my baby. Doctor gave me few pills that is safe for breastfeeding moms. Its very crucial to enclose information regarding that to your doctor so he/she could prescribe you with the right medicine and safe ones. 

Back home, husband went to work, and left us, two sick person together. You know, we both should be like weak or barai together but this boy, after I gave him his meds, his temperature subsides and he started playing around. And I thought, well yea its a good sign I should do my chores now and I thought wrong.... 

Harris still clings to me. He doesnt want to left his side, ever. He would want me just lie down next to him while he plays around with his toys. Even if he's occupied, once I make a move, he whines and cries. I cant sleep either. But it cringes me seeing all those unwashed clothes, unwashed dishes, empty water jar, messy house with scatters of Harris's biscuit crumbs all over the place, dang it. I cant do anything about it. 

You know he should be sleeping or resting or just play on his own, but you see that mischievous face? Looks like he's planning something, so much hidden agenda....

I was doing everything in rush, I mean, I have to. Cooks his porridge nicely but he doesnt want to eat. He only wants to eat biscuits. But well, better than none. I know I should be resting too but I want to cook something for me to have brunch but this boy just wont let me to. So the drama continues until around 3pm+ because Zira came to my house which also for the first time, Harris finally sleeps. But only for 15 minutes, oh bummer. 

There he is, knocking on the kitchen door looking for Asu. He's definitely in a good mood when Asu is around. 

I whatsapp-ed her that morning telling her that I am home and so tired. Later in the afternoon, she came and prepared some pancakes for me and at 4pm is my first meal of the day. I had a cup of black coffee then my tummy starts grumbling and last thing I know, I am inside the toilet, diarrhea. Thank god Zira could take good care of Harris while I'm at it. Then I got a bit of energy so I cooked dinner and bathe Harris. Then me & Zira take turns to pray and I let Zira have dinner before she went home. If not for her, I would be feeling miserable seeing the house so bersepah and moody all day. 

By late evening, I am so out of energy. My husband went back late so I put Harris to sleep (even if its for just a good 15 minutes). Husband is finally home around 7+ and boy I feel so relieved. We take turns to pray and dinner and play around with Harris. After dinner, I was so tired already. I went straight to bed without cleaning the kitchen and dining table. Oh boy I feel so cringe right now thinking of all the unwashed dishes and chores I didnt get to do.

Later that night, I startled up and pray Isya' then went straight to bed afterwards. It was not a long night sleep though. Harris keeps waking up crying because his body temperature spiked up to 39 degree and I have to be awake several times to cool him down. 

I know I cant whine but it irks me to know that I am unable to multitask, to do chores, to be able to keep everything clean. It pisses me off. And I know I cant fully 100% depends on my husband too as he's tired working. He helped me handling Harris and clean the table but gahhhh I should be doing all that. And everything is not so satisfying until I do it on my own. 

A throwback photo. Oh Harris, please get well soon. I miss seeing you so cheeky and can sleep soundly at night. 

And today, here I am in the office, lethargic, fatigue, looking so pale (according to my colleague), and all I need is sleep and I am starving like mad right now. 

I made coffee with my last chunk of sugar. I definitely need to remember to bring more sugar from home. Or buy new one for office. A black coffee should be an eye opener for me to finish my work but I dont know, it doesnt seem to be positively affecting me? The reason why I need to work today because yesterday several people already contacted me as they want to see me in the office. So I have to be in the office today. So Harris is with nenek ana, I called up to check on him and she said Harris is okay, temperature subsides after his meds and he ate a slice of bread. I hope he eats a lot because its hard to give him porridge yesterday. He also dont want to drink much of plain water but I checked he have no ulcer inside his mouth. No rashes around the lips, palm of the hand and foot either which is definitely a good sign in sha Allah. I still didnt take Harris out anywhere other than to the nanny and my parents house. Too paranoid mother I guess.

Anyways, it is soooo cold right now. I'm shivering hard and I feel like wanting to turn off the airconds but other people might not be experiencing cold like I am now. I really need sleep now. Huwaaaaaa. 

Okay, onto my work now. Wasalam. Love, Nina M.