Continuous Ranting of Amalina

 I guess until I graduate, I will continue to blabber and rant here. Honestly, before and after my last class, and week after, its been hectic. Like mad crazy hectic. And I am just, DONE. And really, totally done. I spent a week, relaxing. Didnt open my laptop, or stay up late reviewing papers and whatnot. But I was struggling with my mental being and also because I cant sit in front of the laptop unbothered by Harris. So yeah, I just took a week off to focus on family, chores and nesting. 

And for every single day that I told my husband that, 'tonight I need to do my work.' is every single night that I did not do. Lol. Also because my husband been really busy with his work so we dont get to see him much often. 100% of Harris was on my shoulder so every night I would be so exhausted and I just couldnt open my eyes for assignments. But those are the nights I couldnt sleep either. I am too lethargic and I end up startled in the middle of the night, and unable to go back to sleep. But too tired to open my eyes for assignments. So yeah, I am that complicated. I was mentally drained and physically broken. 

And after a week, here I am. In front of my laptop, with Harris sleeping next to me, husband netflix-ing alone, reviewing on my Master's Project presentation that went horribly. I still have another assignment on Entrepreneurship that is due for another week that I dont feel like doing at all. This semester sucks. And I cant wait to graduate! And might continue of PhD later. Lol. Until I find a new job, I guess I am on this path of being an educator. 

Lets just say, reality hits hard and reality is, I am THIRTY this year with no goals and no exact paths in life. I am just, going with the flow. And I am not even sure that I am moving. Sometimes I just feel like what the hell and want to sack everything. But really, I dont know what keeps me going. What keeps me wanting to make my bed, make breakfast, vacuum the house every morning. I dont know what drives me. I would spend mornings in bed, not wanting to move until at one point, I just feel, this feeling gotta stop and I would just driven to do everything I am supposed to do. 

Until I hit another roadblock and everything messes up again. 

Till then, the cycle goes on and on and on. 

Wasalam. Love, Nina M. 

Of being a housewife & continuing Masters

Some people might say, being a housewife means having more time focusing on assignment and module assignment but nope, it aint that. Still having your kid, a toddler clinging and needing to you the whole time, the only time you'd be able to focus on your assignments and studies would be only after he sleeps or cramming some time in between weekend classes while doing in class assessment too. So its just, nope. The timing goes the same as being a working mother. And usually, I would end up falling asleep too. So really guys, its hard. And this semester has been very very hectic I'm telling you. I had back to back classes and assignment is never ending, along with paper to read and report to write, voice recording to do, its just too much. My weekend is never a rest time for a housewife. I mean, its a routine I did every single day. So yeah. I am struggling guys. Really am. And I'm here in front of my laptop doing my assignment that is due tomorrow and still have to continue another. I am mentally and physically tired. Like extremely tired. Lacking of sleep, inflammation of eczema and a never ending drama, I really need a vacation. Beach vacation. Great hotel room with amazing ambience and view of the sea, good room services, I NEED THAT. 

Well, just gonna enjoy motherhood until its time for another baby to pop out (maybe?) and continuing Masters and not gonna regret every single decisions because I will make it work! One day I am going to look back and giving myself a pat in the back for being able to juggle everything and be successful, in sha Allah!

P/s: My blogging skills is so terrible now, please excuse the blabbering. 

Pp/s: Or probably I just have too much in mind I can seem to structure everything properly. 

Wasalam. Love, Nina M.