Baby girl turns 5

It's my baby girl's birthday today. She turns 5, alhamdulillah. She's literally mini me, and I couldnt describe the feeling I'm having today. Is it sad? Is is happy? But what I know for sure, I am teary-eyed. I feel like time goes by so fast that I feel like she should've been a baby, still. But no, she outgrew my arm, she acts like a diva, she's dramatic, she talks like big girl does and I cant even comprehend this feeling. She used to be that crying little baby who just couldnt get off me and now she turns 5?! 

Everything that I pray for you is the best. I love you Hannah Nur Mikayla. 

Thursday Favorites

• Working from home twice a week helps me keep the house intact and clean because I cant continue working unless everything is in place! The only downside is I spend most of the time cleaning instead of working - haha.
• Elgini pants and jeans are my absolute favorite now that I'm sizing up, comfy is my top priority. 
• After my last episodes of hospitalization due to allergies and have been pumped with steroids and antibiotics, I finally have clear skin (except those scars) and my biggest struggle is trying to maintain it - and of course steroids withdrawal, haha.
• My new keyboard and mouse because I accidently broke my mouse and so I went to buy along with keyboard from Alcatraz. Lovingg it cause they are pink! 
• My new bowling shoes cause it's actually the one I chose and splurge on without thinking twice #adultmoneykachinggg
• Our kitchen cabinet is finally complete because we do one side each year because yeah - filling up savings is so hard wey, sobs. 
• This year's Ramadhan is my 2nd year of going to taraweeh ever since I birthed my 2nd child. My babies are growing upppp.
• My telekung Siti Khadijah my husband bought for me because its so really comfy and I've always loved collecting telekung. And of course, helping my husb to get pahala because - love *side eyes* 

This is not exactly Thursday favorites though, just a list of things  I'm grateful for. Alhamdulillah. Hihi. 

Funny

Funny how I've been away from this blog for so long when it used to be my favorite place to talk to. Life has been catching up so fast that even when its slowing down, I dont feel like writing. I dont know, I've been feeling a bit lost lately. I dont even know what's into me but its just a part of me that I can go back to. I loved writing. But I guess I've been so longing of slow life that I am back here. 

I'm a mother of two kids, a wife for 12 years and entering my 4th year as a lecturer. And I feel like I'm entering mid life crisis. Sigh. 

But to be honest, I have so much to be grateful for in life. I mean, sometimes I feel what I'm having now is surreal and never in my dream that I am able to. But of course, I'm also a human with so much flaws and ungrateful bitchiness in me. But always, dont forget to say Alhamdulillah. 

Growing up also means most of my favorites are shifting. Including hobbies. I mean, knowing myself, I've always hated camping. I really a bad person at packing light and so of course camping is so not my forte. But ohh how the tables have turned. I am into camping so bad right now. Of course, with clean toilets lah. With great facilities. And such nature is like giving me life. It's the literal evidence on how grounding is a life saviour! Our camping things are so complete now. We have various tents, chairs, tables and all the needed equipment for camping. But its been quite slow now because Harris's busy with his weekend curriculum activities and what not. Juggling 4 person's hobbies aint easy but we always make sure to make time for OUR mutual hobbies. 

We are currently looking for time to go camping and I wish we will get to sooner! 

It gets better. Or it doesnt.

 33 years of living. 10 years of marriage. Birthed two kids that are literally me. Sometimes, things are just going so well. Sometimes, it gets really bad that I dont feel like talking at all. Knowing myself, I get pissed a lot and when I'm mad, my mouth can get really light and I dont give a damn. But once I feel like really disappointed, you wont hear a thing from me at all. And if that time comes, do know that it means I gave up.

Middle child

I am the middle child. The one with emotional wreck. The middle child who was forgotten. The middle child who were emotionally abused. The middle child that never feel like enough. The middle child that often feels never good enough. Never enough. Useless. The double standards. The ignored ones.

Yes, I am THAT middle child.