Dilemma

You know when they say, when you have money, you barely had the time. And when you have the time, you're lacking on money. And it puts you in a position that you are unable to decide which you should prioritize. 

Recent events have really pull the strings and forced me to decide to resign. Living in Kuala Lumpur with only one household income is a definite one foot in the drain. It's putting you in a very choking position. But I have no choice. I have to resign. And as advised by my husband and parents, they think I should to. 

I've been wanting to resign for quite some time but I keep on holding it off because I want to help my husband, buy things for myself, husband and Harris and you know, having an industrial experience. 

But the day that I was forced to resign and decided to put a resign letter has been one of the best decisions I made for myself, and family. I've never felt happier and calmer. And I know, Allah knows the best for me and my family. 

Yes, I was in dilemma before. And I pray to Allah to guide me and help me cope and signs by signs was laid out upon me. By far, I think I am so happy. So right now, I am able to focus on my studies and focus on the house and managing my little family. Maybe should develop new hobbies too? 

And the list goes on and on. Wasalam. Love, Nina M. 

My husband and I.

Marriage life has been hitting us quite hard ever since day one. We barely have savings because all is spent for things that are needed. And from study life, to work life, to living with my parents, with Harris, and to live on our own, with Harris, with bickering and fights in between, I guess money has always been an issue to our life. Yea, financial hits hard. I guess we're too young and immature and I've always been the person that questions everything in life. Well, to be honest, I've been the toxic person to myself and to surrounding people. But lately, I've learn to control what I said especially something about blaming life and take full control of my life. By that, I mean becoming much more responsible person and disciplined. Marriage problems, be it financial, or anything, I mean, it can be discussed, right? 

This Ramadhan, the kind of Ramadhan that we didnt expect to be having. No iftar with family, friends, and rewang rewang making kuih raya all sorts. But I learn, I have all the time in the world to pray on time, take good care of my son and husband's well being much better than before. Work really has taken its toll on us though. So even though I'm working during Ramadhan and PKPB, I still try to keep up with daily schedule of cooking, making meals for Harris and ensure that we pray on time. Its kinda bored though, not having company in the house other than us three, but I guess Covid-19 changes everything. And I pray that all this will end soon. In sha Allah. 

Just to highlight, recent events changes me by a lot.

Anyway, I believe that what changes me changes a lot in my surroundings either. When I start to cook more, and improved more on my cooking, especially masak lemak cili api (husband's favorite which I only learn to cook recently during MCO), he said he wanted to upgrade on kitchen appliances. I wasnt really hoping much, because we're barely coping and also because I'm okay with whatever we have now. I mean, I can still cook good food, right? 

And then our anniversary came. I was planning to cook something special so I asked him to buy lamb and I'm just gonna whip something western for iftar. I made coleslaw, marinated lamb, mashed potato. Had watermelon and bandung cincau. And then the surprise happen. I mean, its raya so I've been wanting to bake something. Especially during MCO, I have so much in mind that I want to bake. But I muttered it down to him saying how wonderful is it to have oven. BUT, I never expected one because I always tell things I want to him. Who else am I sharing it with anyway? Also, because I've been raised of trying to get things on my own, means work hard and earn money for things I want myself. 

But he bought me an oven! I'm just so happy seeing that little fella in my kitchen now. I can finally bake! I did bought few things for kuih raya since I grabbed some recipes on no bake kuih raya. But nope, scratch all that, I am baking everything! 

So yea, I am adding baking into my curriculum vitae, no doubt! 

I failed several attempts at baking but he kept me going. I was frustrated and whipping flour and eggs is so hard. And then mother's day came. He bought me a mixer! I'm so blessed lah this guy pampered me with so much things and I feel bad of working and not being able to bake as much as I could now. And so, I always remind myself to always appreciate and bake whatever he wants! 

One night, he told me to slow down on cooking especially when I'm tired. He make his intentions clear of not making me as a cook for him, no. He bought it because it makes me happy. Well.... of course! I am happy. He also always bought toys and candy for Harris even when I told him not to. 

I pray for all the money you spent making me and Harris happy, Allah will grant you happiness and blessed with all the rezeki in the world and hereafter. In sha Allah. 

Wasalam. Love, Nina M.