Remarks

People keep giving remarks. Some of it in terms of advice, some hate remarks. But I'll try and take every single one of it positively. Many would ask, 

Why would you choose to move out when you have a room in your parents house? Plus, the money for rental can be saved to buy a house. 

Well of course, but its been many years and we still have not managed to collect money. Probably because we have less commitment so our spending was more to, not for future? So husband said, its time for us to learn, to have commitment, and maybe we could appreciate things better. And my husband, the only guy in-law and he doesnt feel comfortable staying too long at my parents house, even more now that we already have Harris. So as much as I feel quite burdened to move out, I have to respect his decision. In sha Allah, its for the best. 

We went to see the house last night & alhamdulillah, we both very satisfied and we already proceeded on the deposit payment. I am scared and thrilled. I mean, I've always wanted to rent a house, so I could decorate, cook, my own kitchen, my own house. And my intention would be, a doa selamat for the house. A small celebration for us. In sha Allah. I hope by all means, all good intentions will be smooth sailing. My husband is excited. He said, its a big leap, a new start in our life on our own. And I respect that.

2 more days before we could move in and I need to start packing, sort out things to buy and I'm hella scared. Because its time and money consuming and of course the latter is what I fear the most. Will we have enough money? With my parent's open house coming up & I've agreed on sponsoring the desserts. Next week Harris will be sent to KakNa's house and I need to stock up his things including food & everything means more kachingggg spent *insert flying money emoticon* and its scary guys. So scary. We need to spend money to clean the house, everything. Omg. I am just so scared guys. Will we manage? In sha Allah. Pray for us.

Wasalam. Love, Nina M. 

We're moving out, I think?

As you all know, we're currently staying at my parents house. The actual plan before we had a baby was until my husband finished studying & then we would start planning to rent a house and when our economy is stable enough, we would plan to have a baby. Urm well, lets just say, it didnt work out that well. Because few months before my husband graduated, I got pregnant with our first baby and during that time, we sustain our life using only my salary. Husband is still studying and I am working. And I worked so far away from home back then, and really it was quite hard. My parents wouldnt mind me staying there since husband will only come back once in a while. But Allah's plan was better. Of course. I spent my pregnancy saving money, and alone. So our plan to rent a house was postponed. And now, Harris is 8 months. Few more months before he turns 1 and husband finally got a job he wanted, and fair to say that we are pretty confident that this job will sustain. In sha Allah.

We were contemplating at first. Well, lets just say, I AM CONTEMPLATING. Because I'm so scared to look at the grocery prices, house rents and everything. I dont feel ready at all. But I pity my husband. He's been staying at my parents house for so long that he started to feel uncomfortable. Now that we have Harris, we cant wait forever, cant we? He also said he needs his privacy too. And so the hunt for houses begin. Actually we already applied for Rumawip but sadly husband is still blacklisted for his PTPTN. So we withdraw ourselves from that. So I guess the buying shall wait.

Anyways, KakNa also going to resign starting next month. Which means, we have no one to take care of Harris. But KakNa said she willingly to take care of Harris and we need to send him to her house which is just so near to my parents house. So our only option for the area of renting would be, Setiawangsa/Keramat. Because its nearer to KakNa's & my parents house (in case of anything la). God knows how pricey it is at Setiawangsa now. Its not that we're demanding though, there's always a cheaper options at flats but I'm scared of that area & the parking are always so messy. I dont want to start my day with some people double parking in front of my car. So we opted for a higher price options. Alhamdulillah, we got a deal at Intan Apartment (just few meters away from my parents house) for RM 1500 fully furnished! Which the price is so hard to get. Even Sri Ayu with smaller square feets costs like 2k+. Not even fully furnished. We also got one option at Seasons Garden (Wangsa Maju area) for 1.2k but only partially furnished. And dont even have kitchen cabinet. And the daily route from Wangsa Maju to Setiawangsa is always congested every morning. Not a good thing either.

Many would say why dont you guys rented a house nearer to our work place, since I am at Kepong & husband's at Petaling Jaya. Our answer is certain, no nanny. And even if there is, it'll cost us fortune. So even if we got cheaper house rent, we still have to spend more on nanny. And due to many cases nowadays, I am just scared to let anybody I dont know to take care of my baby.

So we agree on the Intan Apartment house and we will enter by next month!

Thrilled, excited but also SCARED. Of our financial beings. Its gonna be our first month renting house and paying for Harris's nanny. Can we sustain? Its gonna be hard, but that's life, right?? Fuhh fuhhh calming my nerves down because I've been having this panic attack since morning. Shivering like mad.

I hope we could sustain, in sha Allah.

Wasalam. Love, Nina M.

Very much surprised.

Few years back, when facebook was still new, blogger, Tumblr & Twitter is my escapism. I love the community in there, I love my Tumblr posts, I reblogged a lot, my blog is everything and twitter is lit. But I dont know what happened now. I just learned that Tumblr is now place for kids sharing their nudes and how Tumblr is now tempered with negativity and nudes! Just search for keywords 'malay' and you'll be surprised what is posted inside there! I am scared. Even more, I even stated in my biography that Tumblr is my favorite and I dread that people might see me in a negative way.

And I come to learn that in Twitter, kids have this sort of darkside account where they posted mainly about sex drive, nudes, and everything. All these kids are KIDS! Kids that wears tudung, still have parents, but they posted photos of them covering their face with emoticons. They tweeted about how they would love a blowjob, masturbating, sex videos, everything guys! They even share their number to contact in case anyone wanted a sex. Gosh, I cant even begin! I read one of the tweet saying that their darkside account is to tweet whatever they want, and how to are so proud that they conceal their true identity behind the darkside account eventhough they commit sins! Its sad. I'm just beyond words and so sad.

What is so shocking about it even more is that mostly are coming from kids, Muslim kids. This is year 2018 and kids are acting like this. I dont know how I will raise my child in this era. Its scary. And as a Muslim, I vow that whenever I come across a darkside twitter account, nude tumblr account, I will report it. Its the best that I could do. And I pray for the best of them.

Oh Allah, give me strength. I am raising a children and may our lives be protected, in sha Allah.

Wasalam. Love, Nina M.

WHAT AM I DOING IN THE OFFICE

ITS RAYA AND I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY I DIDNT APPLY LEAVE ONE DAY BEFORE RAYA. IM TYPING THIS WITH CAPSLOCK ON BECAUSE IM MAD AT MYSELF. CURRENTLY MY SIBLINGS IS TAKING CARE OF MY SON BECAUSE KAKNA IS ON LEAVE SO YOU KNOW I COULD JUST TAKE EMERGENCY LEAVE AND JOIN ALL THE COOKING SPREE AT HOME FOR RAYA TOMORROW, BUT I DIDNT!

HUSBAND IS WORKING TOO TODAY BECAUSE HE HAVE WORK TO DO AND IM NOT BECAUSE I REALLY FINISHED OFF MY JOB A WHILE AGO AND I HAVE NO INCOMING LETTER OF HAVE NOTHING TO DO AND NOT IN A MOOD TO DO ANYTHING BECAUSE I WANT TO RAYA, BUT WHY I DIDNT TAKE ANY LEAVE? BECAUSE IM SAVING MY LEAVE FOR SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT SINCE THEY MADE US TAKE COMPULSORY LEAVE DURING CHINESE NEW YEAR AND I DONT HAVE MUCH LEAVE YET. AND BOSSSSSS REALLY, YOU DONT WANT TO GIVE US 2 STANDING MUSLIM LADY TO GO BACK EARLY KEEEEEEEEEEEEE BECAUSE I WOULD LOVE YOU FOR THAT.

OKAY IM JUST NOT IN A MOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT RAYA. AND SAD TO SAY, IM SO SADDD BECAUSE I FEEL SO AT LOSS DURING RAMADHAN AND GOD WILLING I WILL MEET NEXT RAMADHAN IN SHA ALLAH.

SO CURRENTLY WHAT AM I DOING IN THE OFFICE? WORK. BUT NO WORK, GET IT?

SCREW IT. I MIGHT TAKE A HALF-DAY THEN.

BOTH OF US ARE JUST NOT HAPPY. ITS ACHING BEHIND THE SMILE.

SALAM AIDILFITRI GUYS. MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN.

WASALAM. LOVE, NINA M.

A messed up night

For us, since ever, a #teamrayakl, we kinda love the spending for baju raya last minute because usually on the last week of Ramadhan, Kuala Lumpur would be so quiet and less crowds. But for the past few years, its not. Husband still have no baju melayu, yet, so yesterday Alang said they got lot of choices in Aeon Alpha Angle. So we went there around 8++ pm just to see its crowded, we only manage to find parking spot around 9+. We get husband's baju melayu and my goshhhh the line was soooo panjang wey. It took us nearly half an hour, on the queue. So while husband was on the queue, me and Zira went around the store to find anything, maybe Harris's shoe, or anything. We managed to get Harris's shoe for only RM4.70! So we bought two of them. Husband's baju melayu is from Alain Delon costing him RM129. For me, the price is okay for the type of material. And as for me? Nothing. Nothing caught my eyes. So husband said tonight we're gonna find mine. But I ran out of mall choices. I just dont know where else to go. Everywhere is crowded and I hate crowds.

After that we went to Family Mart and bought some oden, but yea by means messed up night is, as I put Harris on the bed, he cried for milk so I breastfed him with still unchanged clothes and fall asleep, up until what time I startled up, change clothes, drink water and totally forgetting about my oden, get back to bed before I get to do anything because Harris was crying for milk, again, and startled up again at 6.30am for toilet visit. No sahur, no proper moreh, no anything. So I dont know whether I could survive today's fasting or not. I am just so sleepy and craving for that oden right now. Sobs.

So where to shop tonight? My choice right now would Melawati Mall or Aeon AU2. Some people suggested Mood Republik but NO, it is definitely canceled.

Husband insisted wanting to buy me baju raya so I need to find place to find my baju raya. Definitely. Supposedly tonight is going to be rewang night, anyam ketupat whatnot but I might have to steal some time for shopping.

Crycrycry  . I want to cry now. Just to know that tomorrow kakna wont be available anymore so I have to find someone to take care of Harris for tomorrow. Aiyark.

Messed up night, truly is messy.

Wasalam. Love, Nina M.

My broken spectacles

I broke my spectacles. Guys, really, last year I had my specs done, a day before raya too. And now, 3 days before raya, I broke it, again. I broke it on the side. Previously I dropped it and it broke on the lens part, and it seems impossible to fix but husband did it. He glued and and its all good now. And last week, I was in the toilet and while pulling my spectacles out, one of its handle broke. So I black-taped it. And then, I discover the other handle is cracked and waiting to break, too. And it did, yesterday. So I black-taped it. Both sides black-taped guys. Husband wanting to glue it but we were rushing with everything and tired also so he had no time to fix it. All hail black tape for being an instant savior for the rabun me.

I guess my specs decide to broke itself every raya then. I have no intention of going to Sg Wang to get another one. I'm under really tight budget. Even if we're not, we just dont have much time to do so. We had our last minute shopping last minute, erm call it window shopping then, our choice of shopping place was a bummer so we got nothing for raya. The only thing we had now is Harris's baju melayu and my baju raya bought by my mom. And why is it sooooo little people sell full set baju melayu cekak musang anyway??????

Now with all Kurta, and only baju melayu, no pants. Ergh. Even my baju kurung also, I dont know, most of them doesnt fit my taste. Last night shopping was frustrating. I was so upset that I spent money to buy pyjamas and cardigan because it's easier to sleep it off. 

(Ignore the face, im just not happy- with the cardigan of course)

I am definitely shrinking guys. I think this is the smallest cardigan I got and it looked like a blazer when I wear it. People keep saying how small, tiny and thin I've become. My L-sized work uniform looks so baggy on me. I look so sloppy wearing it. And I am currently wearing my old S-sized work uniform that fits nicely. I am shrinking guys. No more daging, just bones. 

My raya has been synonym with full set baju melayu cekak musang with samping, songkok & capal & baju kurung. But now? Well to be honest, we had so little time for shopping this year. All last minute and we have another night TO NOT BE WASTED which is tonight. Because tomorrow's gonna be full with prepping dishes to cook for raya. And me, still working up until Thursday. 

How's my Ramadhan so far? I try to pray at the very earliest time, recite a lot of Dua, and sad to say, I did a lot of bad things to my husband lately. And I vowed to become better, in sha Allah. I've been wanting to go for Terawih prayer but you know, having an infant at home, you just cant be apart. But so far, I know deep down, I am trying to fix myself and I am moving forward to it. Even during my period days, I listened to al-quran recital.

What's worst to know during Ramadhan? During Ramadhan, syaitan is all locked up and to know that all the bad things, wrong doings, everything, comes from ourselves. Not syaitan. But us. And its time to take a step back, and reflect, for us to become better. 

I am already in the raya feels. Sad to leave Ramadhan, the best month of all. But I am really hoping I am in good health for the next Ramadhan, in sha Allah.

 How's your Ramadhan & raya preparation so far? 

Wasalam. Love, Nina M. 

Little cikenit.

Its cikenit, or citontot or whatever else I decided to call my baby. Sometimes I would call him Harris, or Mikael. Every morning, he would wake up quite early for a feeding, then I will pass him to KakNa to take care of him while we both get ready for work. His wake up time varies but always just in time for us to bid farewell to him before we went to work. For me, its a good practice, since we made him realized that every morning, we would leave for work. My guess is he already knows the time & days since our schedule are pretty much constant. Holiday on Saturday & Sunday. Every morning, after we both go to work, KakNa would bathe him in the early morning. Not that early. Just around 8AM. And his routine is pretty much the same every day.

I am just missing my little cikenit now. Hence, this morning photo.

His just-got-up-from-bed-in-the-morning-puffy face. So adorable. I wonder where did he get that cheeky cheek. Shoooo cute. 

P/S: Harris, mummy loves you so much. 

Wasalam. Love, Nina M. 

Impromptu sandals.

But really, is impromptu even accurate when your intention really is to get a new sandal but just need a legit reason to do so? Hahahaha. Well yeah. I should say impromptu then.

So during lunch hour, I went to Tesco to get some bread. Period and not eating is a definite no no. A lady is losing blood and she definitely need to replenish. I hate it though. Because I am not used to get some food, even tapau to eat in the office during Ramadhan. That's why even when I am breastfeeding or pregnant, I will try my best to fast. But that's only my preferences. Dont fast if you cant. There's one time I was pretty scared because my baby's movement was so slow so I immediately break fast. Anyways, after getting some bread to eat at the office, I went into XES just browsing for shoes and sandals since the one I am wearing is pretty worn out and I dont have any more flats to wear. Then I went into Fabiano Ricco. To be honest, I am really in love with all the shoe designs. All the type are my kind of type. No need clips, just can shove in my feet in, and even more, stretchable! But I always contemplating whether to get one or not.

So I found one sandal, only available in display, size 40, retails for only 35 ringgit! Yea, definitely. And looking at the mirror, look how worn out my old sandal is, and that sandal on display screaming like get me lady, get me!  So I decided to get it. And when I was putting on my sandals, the clip broke. The clip broke guys. Cant wear anymore. So I said, "okay tkpe la, tak yah pack, im wearing it now."



Hello impromptu sandals. Welcome to the family. I love it and definitely cool to wear. How fortunate that we were destined together, while you were in my size and my pocket money definitely enough for you. We're just meant to be together.

Wasalam. Love, Nina M.