Something I was unprepared for happens at 37 weeks 6 days. My husband insisted me to register for specialist hospital and visit a gynae due to some abnormalities he thought was different from my first pregnancy. Turns out, during my first visit to gynae on 3/5/2021, she broke the news that I cant deliver normally due to some complication. There is blockage which makes the baby unable to engage in position of normal labor. Therefore, I have to undergo operation. We were in complete shock. And I told my mom, who also asked my uncle who is a doctor and he said, in that case, only operation is the only option. I was urged by the gynae to be admitted that night because she cant afford to wait for contraction to happen which usually occur in 38 weeks and since its my 2nd baby, it might occur earlier. We werent prepared, AT ALL. I havent packed anything. Still havent complete kuih raya order. Still trying to digest the fact that I am going to be a mother of two the next day and my stomach would be cut open. I am still traumatic from my first labor and suddenly I am going to be cut open the next day. She scheduled my operation to be at 8am. I requested to be admitted at 7am because we need time to sort things out. Harris's school, my bags, babies stuff and all. Everything needs to be sorted out. With husband sudden withdrawal from work, pending stuffs. It's just insane. Even with some things to buy.
So, I didnt get to devour on all raya food before labor, which my mom already planned on doing the next week. But I will definitely claim on kuah kacang & nasi impit after confinement finish.
My experience on elective ceasarean, it was painful. For someone like me, with some sort of panic and anxiety attack, in a state of still digesting that my tummy is to be cut open, well yea, I panicked. Once catheter being inserted, I started feeling so uncomfortable, and I couldnt relax and up until I lie down, uncovered, half paralyzed, its just too much. I end up vomiting many many times, shivering and keep on chanting that I want to go home so bad. It was horrible. They took quite some time until I relaxed. But it was only just for a moment. I started panicking again and I lose kinda lots of blood and after baby is brought out, they put me to sleep to stitch me up.
It was such an experience. And I feel like after giving birth two times, that is it. I've had experience with normal labor and then operation, I think this would be enough. Well, at least until now. Until whenever I change my mind or until I accidentally got pregnant again. But totally nope. I really hope not! (Keeping extra extra condom!)
On 22nd Ramadhan, 4th of May 2021, alhamdulillah, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl weighing 3.05 kg (I bet if she stays longer inside, she'll grow heavier) at 8.32am. We named her Hannah Nur Mikayla which carries the meaning of "Kasih sayang cahaya pemberian Allah".
So as of now, I am still struggling as a mother of two, more to adapting in being a new mother due to not having newborn for 3+ years! It is definitely a struggle, especially to my mental health and having my supportive husband and family around is a definite need and alhamdulillah, they are always here for me.
So now that I have a pair, I can definitely ask my husband to give me 10 years of rest and just enjoy motherhood.
Wasalam. Love, Nina M.
