I've been withdrawing myself from a lot of things lately. Probably because some people retract themselves from me. They just stop talking to me. I have no friends. I think I've been too attached to my mom and sister that their friends become mine. Or not even mine. I'm just there pretending as if there were my friends. And my husband's too. Actually no. They are not even my friends. I mean, I dont talk to my husband's friends. Well, because I dont know, I am too attached with kids. But I dont feel like that either. I dont know. I've been withdrawing myself from many things and being so immersed with doing what I thought I would be good at (read: baking) when obviously I flunked at it real bad right now, I have a bunch of things. I've wasted many things. And now I'm onto Procreate and I am still struggling on how can I actually print my designs on tote bags that I wanted so bad. Each day is a day that reminds me how truly failed I am in life. A failure. I am never good at anything.
All I want is to feel happy, to feel at peace, to feel enough, that's all.
I just want to remember each day before I sleep that I have done my best and enough for myself. But it's just impossible.
This is basically what I feel everyday. Some days I feel like I'm suffocating, shivers and I just couldnt stop until everything's done. Motivated? I dont think so. I just feel super overwhelmed that I just couldnt sit tight. At peace? Never.
Wasalam. Love, Nina M.
