Breast feeding commitment.

For the first 6 months of Harris, alhamdulillah, I am able to breast feed him fully, this means no formula milk at all. But since then, Harris's milk demand starting to increase and I have less time to pump since I'm working, and now I only get to pump only once a day which I normally gets like 13-15 ounce only. And around 7 months, I started introduce him with formula milk. Now he's currently on my EBM and also formula milk, KariHome Goat Milk. And god knows, how pricey is that. And even so, they only come with small tin and Harris can finish that in less than 2 weeks if I fail to pump around 15 ounce a day.

I really wanted to commit in pumping. And I know my body can produce more milk, but I just dont have the time to pump. Due to my irregular and lack of pumping, my milk supply is becoming so slow in filling. Early days, I would experience bengkak susu after 2 hours, and then 4 hours, now, I barely get any bengkak susu. Its saddening.

Committing to pumping is not easy. Especially when you dont have the right tools. But you know, breast pumps are so pricey. I really cant afford it. My first breast pump only cost me 50 bucks from Shopee and sad to say, its hard for me to pump at my cubicle because its not handsfree and the pumping machine is too loud.

And what saddens me even more, I tried pumping this afternoon but I cant. I dont know whether the machine is broken or what. The pumping power is strong but the suction is almost to none. So really, I really am dreading to go home to switch to another bottle and try to find out whats wrong with it. I already got everything prepared to pump at my cubicle but then this happens.

I wanted to get a new set of pump but I just cant afford it now. Also now my car broke down and it cost me 1k+ to repair it which I just dont have the money noww. And I need to reinstate my insurance which cost me 500+ and few other things I need to buy. Now I want to cry. Why is everything bad happens to me like all in one time?????

Less pumping, less milk supply, more money spent on formula milk. No car to go to work. No insurance. I've becoming so stress that I cried at my cubicle, I cried at the toilet, I bawled my eyes out after ages of never crying.

Just gonna continue crying. What the hell. Fml.