Continuous Ranting of Amalina

 I guess until I graduate, I will continue to blabber and rant here. Honestly, before and after my last class, and week after, its been hectic. Like mad crazy hectic. And I am just, DONE. And really, totally done. I spent a week, relaxing. Didnt open my laptop, or stay up late reviewing papers and whatnot. But I was struggling with my mental being and also because I cant sit in front of the laptop unbothered by Harris. So yeah, I just took a week off to focus on family, chores and nesting. 

And for every single day that I told my husband that, 'tonight I need to do my work.' is every single night that I did not do. Lol. Also because my husband been really busy with his work so we dont get to see him much often. 100% of Harris was on my shoulder so every night I would be so exhausted and I just couldnt open my eyes for assignments. But those are the nights I couldnt sleep either. I am too lethargic and I end up startled in the middle of the night, and unable to go back to sleep. But too tired to open my eyes for assignments. So yeah, I am that complicated. I was mentally drained and physically broken. 

And after a week, here I am. In front of my laptop, with Harris sleeping next to me, husband netflix-ing alone, reviewing on my Master's Project presentation that went horribly. I still have another assignment on Entrepreneurship that is due for another week that I dont feel like doing at all. This semester sucks. And I cant wait to graduate! And might continue of PhD later. Lol. Until I find a new job, I guess I am on this path of being an educator. 

Lets just say, reality hits hard and reality is, I am THIRTY this year with no goals and no exact paths in life. I am just, going with the flow. And I am not even sure that I am moving. Sometimes I just feel like what the hell and want to sack everything. But really, I dont know what keeps me going. What keeps me wanting to make my bed, make breakfast, vacuum the house every morning. I dont know what drives me. I would spend mornings in bed, not wanting to move until at one point, I just feel, this feeling gotta stop and I would just driven to do everything I am supposed to do. 

Until I hit another roadblock and everything messes up again. 

Till then, the cycle goes on and on and on. 

Wasalam. Love, Nina M. 

Of being a housewife & continuing Masters

Some people might say, being a housewife means having more time focusing on assignment and module assignment but nope, it aint that. Still having your kid, a toddler clinging and needing to you the whole time, the only time you'd be able to focus on your assignments and studies would be only after he sleeps or cramming some time in between weekend classes while doing in class assessment too. So its just, nope. The timing goes the same as being a working mother. And usually, I would end up falling asleep too. So really guys, its hard. And this semester has been very very hectic I'm telling you. I had back to back classes and assignment is never ending, along with paper to read and report to write, voice recording to do, its just too much. My weekend is never a rest time for a housewife. I mean, its a routine I did every single day. So yeah. I am struggling guys. Really am. And I'm here in front of my laptop doing my assignment that is due tomorrow and still have to continue another. I am mentally and physically tired. Like extremely tired. Lacking of sleep, inflammation of eczema and a never ending drama, I really need a vacation. Beach vacation. Great hotel room with amazing ambience and view of the sea, good room services, I NEED THAT. 

Well, just gonna enjoy motherhood until its time for another baby to pop out (maybe?) and continuing Masters and not gonna regret every single decisions because I will make it work! One day I am going to look back and giving myself a pat in the back for being able to juggle everything and be successful, in sha Allah!

P/s: My blogging skills is so terrible now, please excuse the blabbering. 

Pp/s: Or probably I just have too much in mind I can seem to structure everything properly. 

Wasalam. Love, Nina M.

Fraser's Hill

A journey I swear by myself I wont repeat unless it is for good reason. Seriously, it was hella dizzy and I couldnt handle it at all. But the view and weather up there is totally worth it. It was really a last minute plan. Well, that Friday my husband went outstation at Kuala Kubu Bharu for a site visit and he told me he wanna go up Fraser's Hill after that and he did. And on Saturday, we had no plans because all I want to do is rest, have some time to clear chores and all, and then my brother called me asking on our plans. And then my husband wants to take all of us to Fraser's Hill and my brother agreed. So after we had our lunches at my dad's cafe, we start our journey around afternoon, and we arrived around 3pm. I nearly vomited on the way up, very close to vomiting on the way down. But seeing the view, the scenery, the calmness, and Harris having fun with Aileen, I guess its all worth it. But husband better give me good reasons if he wants to take me up there again. 

My husband takes us to many many place ever since I resigned. I guess, its one of the perks. So, where to next? 

Wasalam. Love, Nina M. 

Life choices

The day have come when I realized I have no further life plans. I mean, in a way, its good, you're just following the flow and see where it takes you. But I dont really think going with the flow gonna help with your financial future plans. And that means, more kids, schools, etc. I mean, we cant keep living like this. Years go by. I aint getting younger. It's just.......

Probably its just hormones. (I'm pms-ing btw, so..)

My semester ended and all I'm doing now is house chores and cook. I'm loving every single second being a housewife, but realistically, I got a mouth to feed and I have all the capabilities to work. Putting everything onto my husband seems a bit off and unfair when I know I can do more. But he said he felt so much better coming home from work and us greeting him. It makes him happy. I'm glad. But I would be so glad if I could give more....

Well, it's the day that I've become so productive in house chores and completed everything and then I dont know what else to do and I am boredddddd. It's Saturday night and I dont know what to do. I cant sleep for several nights already and god knows why. Overthinking........

Maybe I should start looking for jobs but its just that I dont think that I'm ready. I just couldnt figure out what I want to work. Or what kind of jobs I'm looking for. Maybe I'm just sick of working in my previous industry. Missing it? Kinda, a bit. But sick of it, 101% positive. 

I'm turning 30 next year and I dont know whether I'm in the right path and picking the right life choices. I dont know. I'm clueless but I'm just demotivated (-in looking for jobs).

But I know, do good, be good, and everything will fall into place. In sha Allah. 

Everytime I ask him whether he wants siblings and his answer is always a straight up no. 

Wasalam. Love, Nina M. 

Mom life

In my personal opinion, for someone that grow love for cooking and house chores, I am living delightfully now. I mean, I've been working ever since we started renting and I dont get the real feeling of being a housewife because I always go back late and tired and weekend are the only time for us to talk and clean the house once in a while.

What do housewives do?

Clean the house
Clear the toys
Vacuum
Cook
Handling tantrums
Potty train a toddler
Cook
Clean the fridge
Laundry (wash, dry, fold)

A lot. I can definitely say that. BUT I am happy! I would feel tired at times, I mean who doesnt? But nothing feels so relieved than to see everything is under control (except for the toys) because IT IS EVERYWHERE.

And this morning, something happened.

I was in the kitchen, making breakfast and I heard Harris was nagging and I swear he said, 'mummy nak kne rotan ni'. And I was like, whatttttt?

And then he came to me, with his angry or tak puas hati face, 'mummy nak kne rotan ni' and gave me a poke.

"Kenapa marah mummy pulak ni?'

"Mummy simpan crane Harris. Jangan la simpan. Lepas ni Harris taknak beli lagi dah." 
(the phrases we used if he keeps breaking his toys but urm hello? who's been spending money for that, huh?)

"Mummy jangan simpan crane Harris, nanti Harris rotan." 

So there it is, I was nagged by my nearly 3 year old toddler. In all my years of living, my first time ever kne rotan by a toddler. Really.

Yea, the boy I've been talking about.

Wasalam. Love, Nina M.