Continuous Ranting of Amalina

 I guess until I graduate, I will continue to blabber and rant here. Honestly, before and after my last class, and week after, its been hectic. Like mad crazy hectic. And I am just, DONE. And really, totally done. I spent a week, relaxing. Didnt open my laptop, or stay up late reviewing papers and whatnot. But I was struggling with my mental being and also because I cant sit in front of the laptop unbothered by Harris. So yeah, I just took a week off to focus on family, chores and nesting. 

And for every single day that I told my husband that, 'tonight I need to do my work.' is every single night that I did not do. Lol. Also because my husband been really busy with his work so we dont get to see him much often. 100% of Harris was on my shoulder so every night I would be so exhausted and I just couldnt open my eyes for assignments. But those are the nights I couldnt sleep either. I am too lethargic and I end up startled in the middle of the night, and unable to go back to sleep. But too tired to open my eyes for assignments. So yeah, I am that complicated. I was mentally drained and physically broken. 

And after a week, here I am. In front of my laptop, with Harris sleeping next to me, husband netflix-ing alone, reviewing on my Master's Project presentation that went horribly. I still have another assignment on Entrepreneurship that is due for another week that I dont feel like doing at all. This semester sucks. And I cant wait to graduate! And might continue of PhD later. Lol. Until I find a new job, I guess I am on this path of being an educator. 

Lets just say, reality hits hard and reality is, I am THIRTY this year with no goals and no exact paths in life. I am just, going with the flow. And I am not even sure that I am moving. Sometimes I just feel like what the hell and want to sack everything. But really, I dont know what keeps me going. What keeps me wanting to make my bed, make breakfast, vacuum the house every morning. I dont know what drives me. I would spend mornings in bed, not wanting to move until at one point, I just feel, this feeling gotta stop and I would just driven to do everything I am supposed to do. 

Until I hit another roadblock and everything messes up again. 

Till then, the cycle goes on and on and on. 

Wasalam. Love, Nina M.