Another sleepless night

It's midnight and I just slurped down a cup of coffee. Cant sleep just yet. I put Harris to bed and now, here I am, blogwalking again? I dont know. We just got home from show house. Yeap, in the midst of purchasing a house but still surveying for good deals. And we have to find new car too. And also, need to buy new mattress for Harris new endeavour: sleeping alone.

I'm just feeling a bit bitter and down today. The house we're surveying is like too pricey and of course we can afford it, its just that I dont think we'd be able to save some money for emergencies later. So yea, I guess we gotta kiss that one good bye. (Any developer sales person can hit me up please!). I'm looking for a house around Setiawangsa, Wangsa Maju area if I could but you know, the price here spikes up like mad due to so many amenities within reach and my location choices aint that much options, so yea. If only I could find 500k cash and just buy it though. Haihh.... There are a lot of other things I need to consider if I choose to find house other than the above mentioned area.

And you know what, I gotta survey for cars. I need a new car. Why? Because my viva is starting to worn out and the cost of maintaining and repairing is like, urm... a lot? Too many things to get at the moment. Commitments and all. Really, at some point, I think I can only afford one children. The cost of living these days. Maybe I should consider doing two jobs now.

I dont even know which to get first. It's giving me headache. Kan best kalau gaji ribu riban! Tomorrow is working day and I couldnt get myself to sleep.

I wish life was easier in so many ways. Like so so so so many ways. I should try and get myself to sleep. New day, new beginning. I wish....

When will this phase end? Wasalam. Love, Nina M. 

Cant sleep on a Sunday night

Harris's asleep. Husband out doing his part time job, as a mechanic. And me, showered, prayed, done my PM skincare routine and its Sunday night, and I just feel like a total wasteful holiday if I sleep early. So here I am, blogwalking. My schedule has been so tight and everyday I came home feeling so exhausted and would be on the bed by 10pm. Plus, my apartment's wifi sucks big time lately so I really dont have the mood to find anything to watch. We have called Unifi to install internet but it takes 5-7 days before they come to install. Currently using my mobile data's hotspot because really, alternating instagram and twitter ALL THE TIME exhaust me. I need bigger screens! Hence, laptop.

I have loads of things in my mind right now. I want to buy a house, to buy a car. But who am I kidding, I cant afford them! We're currently renting this house for RM1500 a month and I kid you not, at first, we thought renting was fun and all, but no. You're not even paying for your own home. So really, we both thought like, dang it, we should really find a house. With super loads of things to consider. Location especially. And I'm not really good with heights. My car also showing a bit of tantrums. But seriously, the price of a car these days are mad! The maintenance and all.

I really need to set a new target. I'm 28. And there are loads of things I want to achieve. But here I am, still cant even secure a new job.... (sigh)

All these dreams and wishes but it ended up, poof. Gone. No more. And did I mention I'm getting fatter? Yeap, bulging tummy. My skin condition? Haywire. Pimples everywhere. Dull. Site work has really taking its toll on me and nope, I aint happy.

I really need to do something with my life. Its a long train of thoughts tonight and I dont feel like its gonna end any time soon. But what the hell? Can we just focus on positive things today?

1. Spring cleaned my kitchen today! After so long of not cooking. Found FIVE (5) healthy ulat sampah grew to the size of Harris's thumb in my kitchen. Underneath the dirt and rotten eggs. Screamed all the way and husband come to the rescue. Realized I hoard a lot of things; plastics, rice packet, unused mineral bottles, egg tray. Euw amalina, gross. Thank god husband could help me with those eeeeek worms.

2. Went to Pasar Tani and bought veggies and fruits. Cooked lunch (after soooooooooo long). Spending time with Harris the whole day.

3. Took Harris and husband to the saloon for a haircut. Still contemplating whether to cut Harris's hair wholly or just a trim. His hair aint growing much though. I just hope he wont have scalp problems like my husband. Finally my two boys is well trimmed. So handsome. I'm in love.

4. Went to buy Mr. Muscle and washed the toilet. Its been unwashed for quite some time and I couldnt stand on the sight of it. Prayed that I wont have allergies later.

5. Had eczema breakout last week. Went to the clinic, got injected for allergies because my face all swollen. Now depending on allergy pills and steroids. Minimal steroids as its not good for breastfeeding mommies. Was feeling down the whole week because someone told me my skin look bad. So was feeling insecure. Now I'm on a good skincare track and eczema also toned down. Have to watch out whatever I touch. And never forget gloves for washing dishes.

6. Went to Mr. Diy and did a haul! Bought so much things to keep the house organized and I've never felt better. Just one more box to unpack and I'm so done with moving!

And absolutely anything for my cheeky baby. And hubs too. 

Well, of so much negative things that happens, I manage to counter it and turn it into things that makes me happy. But probably tonight, I was feeling so down and forgetful that I kinda need to blog it. Blogging makes me thinking of what to write, and reminds me how contented my life is. I just need a little reminder. And yea, striving for all the things that I want in life. 

So haywire amalina. 

Okay, I'm just gonna continue blogwalking until Harris wakes up for milk. And still waiting for husband to come home. Wasalam. Love, Nina M.

Urm hi

Managed to drag myself to do another blog post, yays! But really, I dont know what to post about. Work has taken most of my times, and leisure. I come back home feeling so lethargic and too tired to cook, so husband kindly will buy foods for dinner everyday and helped me with so much chores and I can finally rest. But there would be nights that we both so tired that the sink is full with unwashed dishes for daysss and the only laundry we'd do is our working shirts. Like 2 to 3 pieces one wash. Hahaha, damn. That's not being lazy, that's just being so tired so we prioritize. Hahaha.


Tomorrow is Hari Wilayah holiday! Its gonna be a long holiday for me. But we have no plans for anywhere since we both didnt take leave on Monday. So its not THAT long holiday anyway. And husband's office is in Selangor so means no holiday for him. I'm gonna be home with Harris all day and I need to get myself back on track for my power pumping. My milk supply has dropped tremendously but Harris's demand for it still a lot. Being at work, always on the move and always needed, makes me unable to have time to pump. I would only pump once a day and being so busy, I always forgot to hydrate myself. Which is also a contributing factor. The weather has been so hot and dry for the past weeks but I guess its just not good enough to make me feel hydrated and thirsty to remind myself to drink more plain water. Time management has been so bad. House totally less organized. I would spend a bit of time to vacuum the house after dinner since Harris's food would be all over the place. And that's totally a therapy for me (as long as the kitchen's door stay closed, haha). I tried to discipline myself to wake up early in the morning and spend at least 15 minutes to pump while I get ready for work. And also tried to spent some time in the evening to pump too but always fail. So I guess this long weekend, I could try and get myself back to power pumping to increase my milk supply. Hopefully.

Anyways, I complete a PM skincare routine today and I think I want to cut my toe nails. So I guess I should be pampering myself tonight with good food, good late night movie, and coffee (havent had that for a month now!) and just relax. Well, up until Harris gets up for milk la. Which I'm highly sure that the next feed, I would fell asleep too. Gahhh, I'm gettin' old.

Okay, nightssss. Wasalam. Love, Nina M.

Phew

Really, I dont know how to start blogging. It feels like so long already. So I got transferred to site on 2nd January 2019 until further notice. Which I doubt I'll be back in the office. Which also, I think its time for me to move on. Move on to finding new job. Because I want to proceed for my Professional Engineer and I think being in main contractor company wont be much helpful in my journey. And also because its my 3rd year in this company and I dont feel like it, if you know what I mean. I am just not 'feeling' it.

Its only a month but it feels like ages already. I now have to assist for Document Controller work and also still doing M&E work. Which means I have to do documentation and all. Which includes doing Progress Report, updating work progress using work program and all. Its a whole new experience for me. And I'm grateful. But its also so tiring. Things are moving so fast, (or late) I just cant differentiate. Work is so much. You know, being at site, everything is urgent. And I went back home feeling so tired. And my increment sucks- one of the reasons why I wanted to find other jobs. The only perks would be my working hours is Monday to Friday only. Which is one of my main concern too. Since I gave birth, I think working hours would be very important. I wouldnt want to be working on Saturday, full day even. I would be super tired by the end of the week and get nothing done. Especially now I have a house to manage, a son and husband to cook for. Husband was very excellent though. He helped much with the house chores and even managing Harris. Wonder why I get so lucky. Well, also the reason he's obligated to clean the house more often is because Harris keep trashing the house and I just couldnt handle to see the mess. He keep taking all my tupperware, milk bottle and plays around with it and I can say that what's left is not much. There's always something missing. His toys wont keep him long distracted. So yea, he would disturb me while I'm cooking, while the phone is charging, messing around with everything. And I dont want my tired self gets in the way from me spending time with my little family.

Also this week I've been busy with progress report so I spent quite some time during the weekend completing it. Which I know I should manage my time better. Doing the progress report is a group work thingy so and yea, I've completed my part by Friday but since I'm the one that needs to compile and email out, I have to wait for others to complete it.

But anyways, I've been quite busy at work and havent got the time to be on the lappy for quite a while (but its not even a month yet?!). I've been lazing around at home today. And it feels surreal. So yea, having the mood to keep you all updated (haha as if anyone wonders where I've been). And even now, waiting for our McD delivery to arrive. Its been an hour though. I feel like blog walking but we'll see if my sleepy self could keep up because I'm starting to yawn and teary-eyed right now. And tomorrow's working day.

Damn it I'm starving and where the hell is that McD delivery guy anyway?!

Okay, thanks for reading my blabber of updates. I hope I could maintain the momentum of working and blogging. Hahaha.

Wasalam. Love, Nina M.

Bad news or good news?

News flash: I got transferred back to site. 

Earlier this month, while I was having an interview with Roy, my manager, for my evaluation, he said most probably I might get transferred back to site due to unforeseen circumstances. So yea, I kinda prepared myself for that and I even do solat istikharah and pray that whichever decision that is good for me, it will be and may I be avoided from things that are bad. So after few days, I got a call from a M&E Engineering Consultant company for an interview during Zun's wedding, but I ask to be postponed because I had plans. Also because it's been nearly 3 years since I had an interview so I think I need to prepare myself first. And not to regret later. And I already remind them to ask for a reschedule on the interview. Now, I got a news that I need to be transferred to site temporarily until further notice to replace a document controller who resigned and also to assist site M&E work. But no, I'm not a document controller. I'm just gonna assist on the documentation.

How do I feel? To be honest, NUMB. I feel numb. I dont know what to feel. Happy? Sad?

I mean, I prepared for it though. And I also got my HQ working hours, means I dont need to work on Saturday, only if necessary. But I'm sure as long as I dont have any outstanding work, it should be fine. I dont know how its going to be at site, its been a year since I left site and havent been there ever since. And its my first time working with new client. A very famous client. With their names at most of the residential billboards.

I really dont know how its going to be now I'm carpooling with my husband and my transfer would be next week and we kinda have to have all these sorted out. Like asap. I'm trying to see this as an opportunity for me because I wanted to get Professional Engineers certificate and I need more things to scribble down inside my log book instead of just submission, dealing with contract what not. I need bigger things and M&E related. But also, I have a son. I have a home to handle and even now, working in the office, I still am not discipline enough to shower, to complete my PM skincare routine, to clean the house and everything. I barely have time to mingle with my son. I always go home feeling so tired. And now, working at site. Of course you know what I mean. Being tired.

Really, I dont know what to feel. Hence, numbness.

So I really am putting full throttle in sending out CV to consultant's company, to find new job. Consultant company. Might be a different kind of tired because most consultant will need to overtime but I really need to move on sooner or later. I need to step up my game. Gain knowledge. I'm at the age where I should bulldoze my way up. Its too early to settle down. I'm not that young anymore but I still have the energy to be a mom and be a career woman at the same time. I mean, even if I dont have that much energy, I still have to discipline myself, right? Really, I have no choice anymore. I have to be discipline. Like really.

I dont always sound so positive but I should stop being so lazy and always so tired, sleepy and all and really try to find opportunity everywhere. I wish I have that much energy and determination to move at a faster pace. I'm turning 28 next year and I'm still a lazy ass that pretty much follows whatever people say. My colleague next to me is still finding opportunities somewhere else to grow and he's double my age. I should be ashamed.

I can do this. I can get PE before 30, in sha Allah. As long as I work hard for it.

Wasalam. Love, Nina M.