What being a mother means to me

Its been quite some time and I have few to post but laziness and procrastination got into me and also because I havent got the time to sit down properly and blog. I have so many ideas to blog though, its just that when I want to spill the tea, it stops somewhere and gone. And so, "what being a mother means to me" is something I came up with for the past few days. Also because its the most related thing to me now. Yes, being a mother is definitely a BIG THING. Haha.

1. My husband and children are my top priority. No matter what. Their happiness means a lot to me, even when its not up to my expectation, what's important is to see them smile and happy, the feeling so refreshing!

2. Always expect a messy house. My husband & Harris made such a great team is trashing the whole house. Really, they are so excellent. And everytime when I scream asking who threw out all the folded clothes outside the wardrobe, husband says, "Harris did it mama." What are your role then????

3. Finding unexpected thing at unexpected places. I once found a penutup tin inside my clean laundry. And a bunch of toys. Wellllll.

4. I cant fold clothes in peace! Everytime I dragged the clean clothes basket to the living room to fold, Harris will always come and pushed the basket somewhere..... The only time he would return it to me is when he sees the folded clothes and he ruin every clothes I folded.

5. Harris's meal time is his and everybody else's meal time is his too. He eats so much and definitely not a picky eater. And often, when we eat, he will eat most of the food too. So yeah....

6. I am a magician. As in, finding things husband couldnt find. I would definitely found it. Because y'know, I know where everything is.

7. Juggling work and house chores. As much as I get so tired doing all that, I enjoy doing all that. You get me?

8. Even when I am so tired, its either I will sleep late cleaning the whole house, doing chores, or sleep early and wake up very early to clear everything. There's no in between. And there's always an energy to do so.

I guess that's all for now. Its been a year, and many more years to go. With many more kids. In sha Allah.

So what does being a mother means to you?

Wasalam. Love, Nina M.

25 random things about me

Honestly, I've drafted like two, and deleted everything. Two for today. I had three yesterday. I dont know how to blog anymore. I was halfway into writing when I got blank. Writer's block. Terribly. But I know I'm good at random things. And I am going to start all over again.

25 Random Things About Me. 

1. I am married for nearly 5 years now and we have a baby that is so cute & cheeky, just like me.

2. I am paradox. By means I always acts contradictory to what I said. Hence, a complicated person. Even my husband finds it hard to understand me. He always said that. 

paradox

/ˈparədɒks/

noun

1. a seemingly absurd or contradictory statement or proposition which when investigated may prove to be well founded or true.

   
   

   "the uncertainty principle leads to all sorts of paradoxes, like the particles being in two places at once"

   synonyms:

   contradiction, contradiction in terms, self-contradiction, inconsistency, incongruity, anomaly, conflict; More

   • a statement or proposition which, despite sound (or apparently sound) reasoning from acceptable premises, leads to a conclusion that seems logically unacceptable or self-contradictory.

     
     

     "the liar paradox"
   • a person or thing that combines contradictory features or qualities.

     
     

     "cathedrals face the paradox of having enormous wealth in treasures but huge annual expenses"
2. 
   

3. I look like Chinese. I dont have Chinese blood though. I just look like one.

4. I love sleeping. I would choose sleeping even if my friend invite me for a late night lepak. Even when my siblings do, my husband would go alone, because I choose to sleep. Even when I'm hungry, I sleep & eat at the same time. I just fancy sleep so much.

5. I love doing house chores. Its therapeutic. I would feel soooo cranky knowing that I leave my house/room in a mess. So usually after putting Harris to sleep, I would get up and continue doing chores until everything in order. And if I didnt do that (aka sleeping because its precious), I would cringe at the fact that my house is a mess. Told ya I'm paradox.

6. I dont know how to cook complicated malay dishes such as kari ayam, masak lemak cili api, laksa, mee kari etc. I dont really know how to cook though but ever since we moved out of my parents house, I learned cooking. And I'm starting to love it. Well of course, I had to love it, it needs to be done.

7. I love reading books. Its therapeutic for me. I am a hardcore reader. I can finish reading books as early as an hour. Depending on the thickness of the books. And I judge a book by its synopsis. I did blog about my preferences in choosing books though. Can refer here.

8. I love doing arts. I love getting crayons, color pencil & all kinds of arts thingy. I spend time doing things DIY too. Because I am so cheapskate liddat. I would always try to minimize my spending especially when I can do it myself. Check this out.

9. I love Tumblr. It has always been my favorite after Blogspot. Honestly, I may spend so much time on Twitter & Facebook & Instagram, but seriously, I am all over Tumblr and Blogspot. I've been blogging for nearly 10 years now and I still am, because its therapeutic for me too. This is my 3rd blog, each I made taught me a lesson and I never regret having it.

10. I love to eat. I cant tell how much food I've consumed. I am a definite eater. And I just dont get fat. Yet? I dont know. Its too early to tell. Even after I gave birth, I still am skinny. While I was pregnant, most of my colleagues call me lenglui because from behind, I dont even look like I'm pregnant. Really skinny liddat.

11. I eat all the time. I am hungry like all the time. Now that I am breastfeeding my baby, I get hungry so so fast and always eating.

12. To-do-list are my pet peeves. I get annoyed by it. Here's why

13. Before blogging, I had a diary. And writing was so much easier back then. Not having to worry anything. My sister did read it. My husband too. And I'm thinking of getting back at it. I did read it few times and cringing at every word I wrote. Hahahaha. Silly me.

14. NO PAIN NO GAIN is forever my mantra. Even when I dont said it, I live by it.

15. Even though I eat so much, I am still so skinny. Butttttttt the only thing expanding is my cheek. Seriously. I've this one time working at kedai makan and I eat like ALL the time until I look so round and my friend insisted me to reduce eating.

16. I always have issues with girls. I find it hard to befriend with them and I always end up faking everything. Sucks.

17. I feel much comfortable having conversation with guys. Hence, my husband is forever my favorite gossip partner.

18. I can be both introvert and extrovert. I choose when I want to be which. I often become introvert with people I dont feel comfortable with and mostly are girls.

19. I am such a random person. I can go from this to that in seconds. And I love doing random things at random times. So hard for a person to understand me.

20. I dont like and dont know how to cook. But since we moved out from my parents house, I learn how to cook and cook very very often. I love cooking now.

21. I love chicken! I can eat it everyday, all the time, anytime.

22. Pepsi have always and will always be my favorite. But its been nearly 2 years since I drink carbonated drinks. I stopped ever since I got pregnant and still not drinking it because I am still breastfeeding my baby.

23. I dont have favoritism. I like all color equally. Depends on what I'm buying. I will see whether the color suits or not. So if you ask me what's my favorite, I find it as one of the hardest question for me to answer.

24. I LOVE KEROPOK LEKOR. And my son loves it too!

25. Everytime I see baby, I want one too! Eh? Hahahahahaha.

Wasalam. Love, Nina M.

Back to back

Its been quite an ending for our September. Back to back. It all started when Harris have sudden high fever on Thursday and that night, we brought him to the clinic and his temperature spiked up until 40 degree and doc gave him what they call ubat bontot to reduce his temperature. Back home, his temperature is still quite high so we gave him syrup. I tried pushing the ubat bontot up to his ass but cant. Noob mummy. Duhhh. We were struggling with him, so husband just ordered delivery pizza to our house for dinner. Its because Harris clings to me like a koala and I always have to sponge him because he's hot, literally. He vomited few times too.

Throughout the night, I checked his temperature many many times and its still 39 degree. That morning, his temperature spiked up until 40 again and so we rush him to Hospital Ampang to get him checked. Doctor said he got a bit of infection on his throat that he might've swallowed it and that's why he vomited too. And he will experience diarrhea too. His temperature subsided on the 3rd day, just struggling with flu and cough. 

While waiting for our number to be called at Hospital Ampang. Harris doesnt like kool fever though and usually tear it off his forehead but y'know when he let it stay patched, you know he's so sick. 

On Friday, we both took Emergency Leave because it seems that I cant handle Harris alone. And husband have to be on standby in case Harris's temperature spikes up again so he could quickly bring us to the hospital. Its hard to put Harris to sleep because he felt restless. 

While waiting for hubs inside the car after we collected my credit card. Harris's temperature is normal, just left with flu and coughing. Hence, his watery eyes.

Harris raised up the wet wipes he managed to pull out with so much pride and joy when I asked for a photo together. 

On Sunday, I'm starting to catch a bit of flu, but I shrugged it off and I know its normal since I might catch it from Harris and also because I easily got infected because I didnt get much rest while struggling with Harris's fever. But we still go out to KLCC to collect my credit card and it was a short trip since Harris still down with a bit of flu and I'm starting to feel quiet restless. 

Monday is when I started to feel aching on my leg and damn the new office rules sucks. We have to turn on the aircond to a certain temperature and you know what, I have TWO aircond that is directly at me, so yeah, I was freezing. I am starting to feel very sick with flu and shivering. On Tuesday, I still went to work because I have loads of pending work and I didnt want to get anymore MC. But I checked my temperature every now and then I am down with fever. I thought I'll get better on Wednesday, because y'know fever subsides after few days, supposedly, but it didnt. On Wednesday morning, I went to work with aching body, flu & headache. I thought of wanting to go to the clinic in the evening but I couldnt take it so I went to take the slip & head straight to the clinic. 

Soo&Tan Clinic are always full of people though, thank God its not too cold there. But waiting when sick is pretty much excruciating. My time comes near an hour later. Doctor checked my throat but there's no irritation, but its my 3rd day and still high fever at 39 degree. So he had to check for Influenza A and I am positive for it. So he wanted to prescribe me with meds which will cost me a lot and 5 days MC. I asked him if I could ask for referral letter and asked to be admitted since I have to be quarantined. Might as well if I use my insurance right. Also because I've read about influenza A before, some people need to be admitted since its very infectious. 

So consulted my mom and my insurance agent and I ordered Grab to go straight home. Thank god I didnt faint because y'know, I really am so tired. My mom picked me up from my house and straight bring me to Gleneagles. My insurance agent advised me to go to Prince Court but we thought Gleneagles is much closer to my house so we went there instead. I was warded and to avoid my baby from being infected, because the effect will be much worst to baby instead. 

Referring to my insurance, I am only eligible for a two bedded ward but since AIA is a corporate client for Gleneagles, I am eligible to request for a single luxury ward at no extra cost. Also because I need to be quarantined and isolated from other patients. 

I was warded for 4 days 3 nights because the doc insisted me to be warded longer up until I feel much much better. Well, at least until my fever subsides and no more terrible flu and cough which the virus could be easily transmitted to other people. I asked to be discharged on Saturday because I was feeling much better and I missed my baby so much. I was not allowed to see him. It was excruciating. I didnt get much rest though because the room is too cold, they have to keep the aircond cold all the time to disinfect all viruses. 3 nights of sleeping alone, and in coldness. I was quite worried because I never spent a night without Harris. We never prepare him for such routines. So on the first night, hubs was struggling. That night when he picked up Harris, when Harris reach home, he went into all rooms searching for me, and he be calling Mama Mama. And when he realized I'm not home, he started crying. He rejected formula milk and fell asleep while crying. Hubs have to video call me while putting Harris to sleep. As much as I know Harris finds it hard to understand, I still explains to him slowly saying that I got admitted in urgent and emergency so I wasnt really prepare everyone for this. That morning, hubs video call me again saying Harris been crying all night searching for me. Damn, I cried. I didnt ask for this sickness baby. 

So on 2nd night, hubs was starting to not feel well, probably due to lack of sleep and running errands here and there, juggling between work, house chores, a child. But.... y'now, that's what I've been doing the whole time, right? Not enough sleep, EVERY DAY but still rushes to work, and do house chores. But I adapted myself. Well, its subjective. Some people finds it hard. I find myself a strong woman I guess? Ha ha. Just saying. 

Anyway, for 2nd night, we left Harris with Kakna since hubs is also swamped with work. Alhamdulillah, Harris really is a blissful child. He clings to us most of the time and always shows a bit of manja-ness with us but he really not a hassle to others. When people took care of him, he often got praises because he's such a good baby. He is easy to take care. Kakna doesnt have problem putting him to sleep too. I am a proud mummy. 

On the 3rd night (Friday night), mama called me saying they want to pick up Harris and take care of Harris for one night since the next day is Saturday. And again, Harris have been such a good baby, easy to take care. And not high maintenance, at all. 

On Saturday, I am keen to discharge. Doctor said I can be discharged but still be in MC up until Monday. He offered me for more but I said no because I have loads of pending work. To discharge, it took a couple of hours for my insurance to settle all my bills. Alhamdulillah, we only need to pay RM20 for the medical report only. My bill costed nearly 4k but all settled by my insurance. Alhamdulillah. We went straight to Pasar Malam to get dinner but I stayed in the car because I am still under quarantine. Then we went home, arrived around Maghrib then we had dinner and I rested. I am still not feeling quiet well. 

They sent me photos of Harris, using Asu's clothes since they ran out of his clothes. Hahaha so cute! Then around 9pm, hubs went to pick up Harris from my parents house. When they got home, husband put him in the living room and I shouted for Harris's name, and he quickly crawl to the sound of my voice, finds me inside the bedroom and he be calling Mama few times. I quickly ran to the toilet because I forgot to wash my hands, then he cried while chasing me, and I rushed to pick him up. MAMA MISSED YOU SO MUCH ! I dont care even if he called me Mama, its still for me. 

On Sunday, we just stayed home, spent so much time with Harris. Hubs took care of Harris most of the time because I still cant get close to him. I just do chores and cook for hubs. He's been doing so much for me and Harris and I am so grateful for him. 

Just gonna share you the room I got. 

This is me at emergency ward, while waiting for my insurance to be approved and to be warded. I was shivering cold so I had to cover my whole body and face. Mama accompanied me. I didnt even realize when they took my blood, I was too weak. They run me under check for dengue too, just to double check. 

 

View from my room.

The room is very luxurious, and cold too! Everybody have to wear mask when they enter my room and have to sanitize themselves once they exit. I spent most of the time watching tv because I have exactly nothing to do. Doc check twice a day and nurses come often to check my temperature, my blood pressure, my pulse and also to give me medications. I was on drip for two days and my veins still hurt until now. I asked to be off drip after that because I am starting to feel better, just have to hydrate myself more often. If not, doc will get me on drip again. Being on drip is a hassle because you have to keep calling the nurse to plug and unplug it when I need to go to the loo. Mind you, being under drip, you will feel to pee like many many time. 

The toilet is nice too. Its big, convenient for sick people and they clean the toilet daily. And I'm just too lazy to upload the photo here. 

Always my favorite view, of Harris munching on Ayam Goreng. Hehe.

Upon reaching home, I still need to wear mask because I am still infectious up until 7-8 days from the day I showed symptom. On Monday, I asked hubs to send Harris to Kakna because I am still under quarantine and I dont want to be clinging to Harris so much with this flu. Because Harris's still got a bit of flu and cough. He's pretty much very exposed to the virus. 

I started working the next day, still have flu. And I dont think I'll be better from it because the office is so cold! And you know what, many people are so scared now but they cant do anything about it because rules are rules. And they all went to the clinic once they showed symptom because we never knew who got infected while I was in the office. 

I prepared myself even better this time. Socks on, shoes & I wear pashmina to warm my neck and always with my sweater. Even so, I am still so cold! And I make sure that I wear mask to keep my nose warm. I am still under medication for flu, my antibiotic is finished already so I hope I could better soon, in sha Allah.

And its been a while since I weigh myself and I think the last time was few months back. And I weighed 57kg back then. And now, I weighed 52.8kg. I lost nearly 4kg! No wonder people keep saying I look skinnier. Its just that I get that remarks quite often but I never showed much obvious weight loss on the scale, but now I am. No wonder all clothes are so loose on me. And even with fever, my appetite still okay, I eat like normal people do. I mean, I've always ate so much pun. 

Well probably because I am breastfeeding so Harris took so much of me. As long as mummy's boy growing so well.

So the overall cost for my admission was nearly 4k and all settled by insurance. Alhamdulillah. Now looking forward to eat more vitamin C and hydrate myself well and to getting better. I have to build my immune system. 

Now onto my piled up work. 

Wasalam. Love, Nina M. 

Things I do during free time at the office.

I know I am dead and screwed if my bosses knows about this. But it doesnt take much time anyway plus I've done all my work so.....

Anyways, I was quiet free and I was browsing for ideas to spruce up the looks of my work place. And I was at the verge of buying a mouse pad, cute ones of course in Shopee when I come across a DIY one. But of course, I didnt have the material needed referring to the tutorial. And all of the sudden, an idea came. To make it using recycled paper. Since I have quiet a lot. So why waste.

I collected a bunch of recycle paper, and download and print a cut-out template. I pasted them all in layers and in the top layer, I print out a wallpaper (black&white ones because I dont want to be wasting a lot of toner) and pasted it on. So now, I have a mouse pad. And also a coaster. Which I made them myself. Both of it. Its not that neat and pretty but I feel its quiet good enough to give some mood and colors to my desk.

And behold, my desk. The abstract that I chose quiet outstanding and kinda gives colors and mood to my work space. (mood; read: moody) hahahaha. I still need to do more on this place. I hate my under table. Its messy but I have no choice. I might have to ask Joanne for another tray for all my stuffs or just do another diy from cereal boxes to put all my A4 papers and letterhead.

I dont know. I might, tomorrow. In sha Allah. But the thing is, I dont have cereal boxes. Hahahah. And also, my Hermo parcel arrived yesterday and I cant wait to try the Huxley anti-gravity cream!

Wasalam. Love, Nina M.

September Summary

Life has been moving on so fast and we've past office moving day, my birthday, buying a vanity mirror, so-called all girls trip and so much more. And I'm just gonna do a quick summary over this.

Early September. Office moving day. So we had few dramas, this and that but alhamdulillah, everything goes well and just gonna show you my place. My cubicle. My seat. Not very fond of it though since we got a smaller table this time, and I dont know how to decorate it. But I am looking for more inspiration.

I just dont know to decorate but I want to add some more details and sophistication to it. I dont know how I should do it. I might look in pinterest later. I did peek on few of my colleagues table and I feel a bit inspired but I wouldnt want to be called copycat.

But really, I think I like my working space to be quiet minimal and not messed up.

Ikea trip. Getting Harris's baby chair and got myself a mirror. Just to complete my so-called vanity table.

Vanity table and mirror and so pricey, disregard where its sold. So since we already have a table to put all my skincare and make ups, I asked husband if he could get me a mirror because since we enter this house, I dont have any mirror. So I got this for RM29.90 only. This one sticks using a double tape. Just a simple one, since we are also in a very tight budget and just really in need of a mirror. And we also got a cheap chair for me. Just good enough for me to sit down and do all my skincare routine, berangan here and there. Haha. 

Putrajaya trip, airbnb. So my mom rent an airbnb on Sunday and Monday. The so-called all girls trip. Harris had such a good time at the pool. I was in my period and I wouldnt dare going into the pool. Too bad. I had this issue during our free trip to Sunway Lagoon too. Sobs. 

Just me, self-vaining under a good lighting. 

The girls, except Harris. 

So its Asu's job to take care of Harris while swimming. Mummy cant help on that. Harris really loves the pool. I really wanted to train him so he could learn to swim. Unlike me. In sha Allah. 

And so, of course, the highlight of September would be my birthday. 19th September. On that day, husband insisted that I we should not carpool. He said he dont want me to wait for him and going home late because I'll end up getting tired and feeling groggy because unable to do all the house chores. 

Little did I know, he did a little surprise for me. He went back along with flowers and cake. I never felt so appreciated. Alhamdulillah. 

Husband was all selekeh (according to him) so he doesnt want to be in the picture. I wasnt expecting anything though since we both so busy with work and been struggling financially but he managed to pull off a little surprise for me and I've never felt so loved and appreciated. 

And now, I am committing pumping for every 2 hours. I bought a handsfree and also a silent pump. So I could pump at my own cubicle now. I am now able to commit pumping every 2 hours to increase my milk supply. 

This all cost me a fortune but I feel the need of it since I need to cut down on formula milk, since its very pricey and I dont think I could afford it twice every month. Breastfeeding fulltime is not an easy task y'know. All those pain when pumping, it hurts. But for the sake of cutting on our expenses, in sha Allah. 

I guess this summarizes my September. I just currently lost touch of my blogging vibes. Probably due to lack of blog walking. So I kinda need to get myself onto it. Finding ideas to blog etc. 

And today, I am soooo sleepy. Its been few days of going back late, and the grogginess continues. Thinking of all the unwashed dishes, messy bed and house, I just feel like I need an extra hour every morning to clean it all. Since now I am cooking lunch for both of us so I really need to wake up quiet early and prep everything before bed. But y'know, it aint easy since I sometimes coming back late so Harris would be so sleepy by then. 

But really, I want to change the habit. I want to get up after putting Harris to bed but everytime I tried, hubs said I didnt respond when he tries waking me up. So......

Haihhh. The never-ending internal problem with myself. I need to change. I have to. 

Wasalam. Love, Nina M.