Fixing bedtime routine

 Hannah's bedtime routine is a mess. She sleeps throughout the day, only wakes up for feeding and during the night, she can hardly sleeps. She just stays awake. And here we are, after nearly 4 years of no babies, we kinda dont know how to fix it. I mean, it's very convenient for us since she sleeps throughout the day so I can focus on chores, husband can juggle with his work since he's working from home now, I mean, everything can be done. However, we cant sleep at night, except for Harris. Due to all the routine we do during the day, of course we need sleep! Every 2 hours feeding time is acceptable, but Hannah's not sleeping? Fuhh, cant.take.it. I get that she doesnt want to sleep, but having me to hold her and coo-ing with her all the time. Oh no baby, mama needs her sleep. 

And here we are, no idea on how to fix her bedtime. I mean, what do one month year old baby do anyway? Haha. 

We are so feeling like first time parents....

Wasalam. Love, Nina M. 

Mother of Two

Something I was unprepared for happens at 37 weeks 6 days. My husband insisted me to register for specialist hospital and visit a gynae due to some abnormalities he thought was different from my first pregnancy. Turns out, during my first visit to gynae on 3/5/2021, she broke the news that I cant deliver normally due to some complication. There is blockage which makes the baby unable to engage in position of normal labor. Therefore, I have to undergo operation. We were in complete shock. And I told my mom, who also asked my uncle who is a doctor and he said, in that case, only operation is the only option. I was urged by the gynae to be admitted that night because she cant afford to wait for contraction to happen which usually occur in 38 weeks and since its my 2nd baby, it might occur earlier. We werent prepared, AT ALL. I havent packed anything. Still havent complete kuih raya order. Still trying to digest the fact that I am going to be a mother of two the next day and my stomach would be cut open. I am still traumatic from my first labor and suddenly I am going to be cut open the next day. She scheduled my operation to be at 8am. I requested to be admitted at 7am because we need time to sort things out. Harris's school, my bags, babies stuff and all. Everything needs to be sorted out. With husband sudden withdrawal from work, pending stuffs. It's just insane. Even with some things to buy. 

So, I didnt get to devour on all raya food before labor, which my mom already planned on doing the next week. But I will definitely claim on kuah kacang & nasi impit after confinement finish. 

My experience on elective ceasarean, it was painful. For someone like me, with some sort of panic and anxiety attack, in a state of still digesting that my tummy is to be cut open, well yea, I panicked. Once catheter being inserted, I started feeling so uncomfortable, and I couldnt relax and up until I lie down, uncovered, half paralyzed, its just too much. I end up vomiting many many times, shivering and keep on chanting that I want to go home so bad. It was horrible. They took quite some time until I relaxed. But it was only just for a moment. I started panicking again and I lose kinda lots of blood and after baby is brought out, they put me to sleep to stitch me up. 

It was such an experience. And I feel like after giving birth two times, that is it. I've had experience with normal labor and then operation, I think this would be enough. Well, at least until now. Until whenever I change my mind or until I accidentally got pregnant again. But totally nope. I really hope not! (Keeping extra extra condom!)

On 22nd Ramadhan, 4th of May 2021, alhamdulillah, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl weighing 3.05 kg (I bet if she stays longer inside, she'll grow heavier) at 8.32am. We named her Hannah Nur Mikayla which carries the meaning of "Kasih sayang cahaya pemberian Allah". 

So as of now, I am still struggling as a mother of two, more to adapting in being a new mother due to not having newborn for 3+ years! It is definitely a struggle, especially to my mental health and having my supportive husband and family around is a definite need and alhamdulillah, they are always here for me. 

So now that I have a pair, I can definitely ask my husband to give me 10 years of rest and just enjoy motherhood. 

Wasalam. Love, Nina M. 

Life at 36 weeks.

 I am 2 days away from being mature for labor and all of the sudden, things feel so heavy. Honestly, I havent been really prepared for labor or even for this pregnancy. Its pandemic and I just recently got let go from work. Safe to say, we're quite financially tight. I just got back from my 36 weeks scan and baby is looking good, and I've lost weight which probably due to me fasting. 

I am having dilemma over place to give birth because my initial plan was for government hospital but until the end, I just couldnt prepare myself mentally for enduring such pain alone, handling baby alone, and not having my husband by my side during labor. It's just something I am unable to digest yet. Two days left and I am down to the only option which is government hospital, something I am never prepared for

Husband begged me to find other hospitals so he could accompany me. I guess he knows me too well. I cant be laboring alone. But forking out nearly 5k just for that reason sounds insane to me, looking at our financial state. 

I just feel quite a burden today. I feel like a weight is on my shoulder and my chest, grasping facts that I am gonna be a mother of two soon enough. I dont want to give birth yet. I am just not ready. 

My early stage of pregnancy was horrible. My mental state was declining and just when I thought I am starting to recover, I am being beaten down again. This feels too much and I am doing my thesis just to forget things but when the baby kicks, its just back to reality. 

Wasalam. Love, Nina M. 

Saturday Favorites

Ever since I resigned and becoming a full time housewife, some things have been improving and some things are not. But most of the time, I am pretty much relaxed and amazed at the amount of time and activities that I am able to enjoy. 

Skin Condition 

My facial skin condition have been improving by a lot. Also because my pregnancy hormone towards the third trimester is going on so well on facial skin but not on my eczema. However, eczema subsided nowadays and I am focusing on reducing scars because heck, having fair skin makes everything looks obvious. 

Grocery Shopping 

I get excited going to the supermarket as early in the morning because of less crowd. Shopping groceries alone is such a therapy too (ever since Harris enrolled in kindergarten). 

New L-shaped Sofa 

My new sofa is so comfy, I dont get pissed anymore. But my living room is quite crowded with all the baking things on the new business I am venturing. As for now, I am still satisfied with the arrangement. After I send Harris to school, I will always allocate an hour or two just to tidy up the house so it will always look neat. 

House Things 

Buying things for the house excites me more than buying things for myself because it is so pleasing to the eyes to see everything organized. 

Tupperware Casserole Pot

Been eyeing for it for quite some time and now that it's here, I cant wait to use it! I just wish I have more kitchen cabinet space so I could unbox it. 

New Living Room Curtain from Kaison 

Ever since I bought my first curtain from Kaison, I have never seen others. I mean, choosing curtain is always quite hard for me, but choosing ready made ones are even easier, so why not! I changed it for welcoming Ramadhan since I need a bit of change. 

My mental health have been declining for the past months (which explains the sudden withdrawal from social medias and reduced blogging hours), so I've been changing quite a lot of things around the house just to get a different vibes and starting to do things differently. And welcoming Ramadhan! 

What did you do differently this Ramadhan? 

Wasalam. Love, Nina M. 

Urm hello?

 Funny how I've been blogging regularly and all of the sudden, it stops. I've been juggling with quite a lot of things lately. I've ventured into new business while enjoying my semester breaks and still going on. Well, most reasonable reason would be I've no purpose of turning on my laptop so the blogging stops as well. As for today, I have an online meeting with my supervisor for my Master's Project so instead of revising my thesis, here I am blogging.

I am entering my 36th week of pregnancy, Harris enrolled in kindergarten at 4 y/o, so I kinda enjoyed my time being solo for a while by doing chores and all. Clean house makes me happy. I am fasting but I dont think I'll be able to continue for today because suddenly I feel quite unwell. Probably because I'm too tired and not getting enough vitamins and rest for quite some time. 

Anywayyyy, the house next to me is doing renovations and they've been drilling for almost a week already and it gives me headache. I thought the drilling stops already because it's been quite yesterday and maybe they wont be drilling during my online meeting. But I guess not. 

For someone that has experience working in construction, I hate hacking and drilling work the most. 

Wasalam. Love, Nina M.