I am 2 days away from being mature for labor and all of the sudden, things feel so heavy. Honestly, I havent been really prepared for labor or even for this pregnancy. Its pandemic and I just recently got let go from work. Safe to say, we're quite financially tight. I just got back from my 36 weeks scan and baby is looking good, and I've lost weight which probably due to me fasting.
I am having dilemma over place to give birth because my initial plan was for government hospital but until the end, I just couldnt prepare myself mentally for enduring such pain alone, handling baby alone, and not having my husband by my side during labor. It's just something I am unable to digest yet. Two days left and I am down to the only option which is government hospital, something I am never prepared for
Husband begged me to find other hospitals so he could accompany me. I guess he knows me too well. I cant be laboring alone. But forking out nearly 5k just for that reason sounds insane to me, looking at our financial state.
I just feel quite a burden today. I feel like a weight is on my shoulder and my chest, grasping facts that I am gonna be a mother of two soon enough. I dont want to give birth yet. I am just not ready.
My early stage of pregnancy was horrible. My mental state was declining and just when I thought I am starting to recover, I am being beaten down again. This feels too much and I am doing my thesis just to forget things but when the baby kicks, its just back to reality.
Wasalam. Love, Nina M.
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