Dilemma

You know when they say, when you have money, you barely had the time. And when you have the time, you're lacking on money. And it puts you in a position that you are unable to decide which you should prioritize. 

Recent events have really pull the strings and forced me to decide to resign. Living in Kuala Lumpur with only one household income is a definite one foot in the drain. It's putting you in a very choking position. But I have no choice. I have to resign. And as advised by my husband and parents, they think I should to. 

I've been wanting to resign for quite some time but I keep on holding it off because I want to help my husband, buy things for myself, husband and Harris and you know, having an industrial experience. 

But the day that I was forced to resign and decided to put a resign letter has been one of the best decisions I made for myself, and family. I've never felt happier and calmer. And I know, Allah knows the best for me and my family. 

Yes, I was in dilemma before. And I pray to Allah to guide me and help me cope and signs by signs was laid out upon me. By far, I think I am so happy. So right now, I am able to focus on my studies and focus on the house and managing my little family. Maybe should develop new hobbies too? 

And the list goes on and on. Wasalam. Love, Nina M. 

My husband and I.

Marriage life has been hitting us quite hard ever since day one. We barely have savings because all is spent for things that are needed. And from study life, to work life, to living with my parents, with Harris, and to live on our own, with Harris, with bickering and fights in between, I guess money has always been an issue to our life. Yea, financial hits hard. I guess we're too young and immature and I've always been the person that questions everything in life. Well, to be honest, I've been the toxic person to myself and to surrounding people. But lately, I've learn to control what I said especially something about blaming life and take full control of my life. By that, I mean becoming much more responsible person and disciplined. Marriage problems, be it financial, or anything, I mean, it can be discussed, right? 

This Ramadhan, the kind of Ramadhan that we didnt expect to be having. No iftar with family, friends, and rewang rewang making kuih raya all sorts. But I learn, I have all the time in the world to pray on time, take good care of my son and husband's well being much better than before. Work really has taken its toll on us though. So even though I'm working during Ramadhan and PKPB, I still try to keep up with daily schedule of cooking, making meals for Harris and ensure that we pray on time. Its kinda bored though, not having company in the house other than us three, but I guess Covid-19 changes everything. And I pray that all this will end soon. In sha Allah. 

Just to highlight, recent events changes me by a lot.

Anyway, I believe that what changes me changes a lot in my surroundings either. When I start to cook more, and improved more on my cooking, especially masak lemak cili api (husband's favorite which I only learn to cook recently during MCO), he said he wanted to upgrade on kitchen appliances. I wasnt really hoping much, because we're barely coping and also because I'm okay with whatever we have now. I mean, I can still cook good food, right? 

And then our anniversary came. I was planning to cook something special so I asked him to buy lamb and I'm just gonna whip something western for iftar. I made coleslaw, marinated lamb, mashed potato. Had watermelon and bandung cincau. And then the surprise happen. I mean, its raya so I've been wanting to bake something. Especially during MCO, I have so much in mind that I want to bake. But I muttered it down to him saying how wonderful is it to have oven. BUT, I never expected one because I always tell things I want to him. Who else am I sharing it with anyway? Also, because I've been raised of trying to get things on my own, means work hard and earn money for things I want myself. 

But he bought me an oven! I'm just so happy seeing that little fella in my kitchen now. I can finally bake! I did bought few things for kuih raya since I grabbed some recipes on no bake kuih raya. But nope, scratch all that, I am baking everything! 

So yea, I am adding baking into my curriculum vitae, no doubt! 

I failed several attempts at baking but he kept me going. I was frustrated and whipping flour and eggs is so hard. And then mother's day came. He bought me a mixer! I'm so blessed lah this guy pampered me with so much things and I feel bad of working and not being able to bake as much as I could now. And so, I always remind myself to always appreciate and bake whatever he wants! 

One night, he told me to slow down on cooking especially when I'm tired. He make his intentions clear of not making me as a cook for him, no. He bought it because it makes me happy. Well.... of course! I am happy. He also always bought toys and candy for Harris even when I told him not to. 

I pray for all the money you spent making me and Harris happy, Allah will grant you happiness and blessed with all the rezeki in the world and hereafter. In sha Allah. 

Wasalam. Love, Nina M. 

Things I realized

I AM EASILY DISTRACTED AND ONE HELLA PROCRASTINATOR. 

Yea, I just gotta highlight that because seriously, I cant be focusing on only one thing. I just need to be doing something along with listening and it makes me giving only half the attention when I should be giving FULL attention. And I've been procrastinating, a lot. I mean, my classes is conducted online and I still got piles of assignments to complete and papers to read for my literature review, etc etc (the list goes on and on) and guess what? I can have all the time in the world but I cant still get my eyes (and fingers) off games and scrolling social medias. I just cant seem to pull myself out of bed every morning and use my time wisely. I'm just so undisciplined and I hate that. But hating it is (obviously) not enough hating because days goes on the same lazy pattern I regretting myself every single day! 

My semester goes on with classes conducted online and I cant seem to be focusing. I would spend time playing games (keep my fingers going except writing because I cant be writing & listening attentively at the same time) while listening to lectures and that's like 50% of attention. And as much as multi tasking is good, I could be getting more info if I give full 100% attention to listening, no? I truly have some issues with doing one thing and one thing only. I get impatient because I like to shorten waiting times and getting things done in a blink of an eye but duhhh of course its impossible. 

I am not complaining about chores, because I do most chores and I love doing all that. It's just when it comes to studying and focusing, I just couldnt pull myself out of laziness and utilizing hours focusing on doing assignments. Especially when one assignment that can be done in an hour, I spent more time on it, because I would be playing games alternately only after reading one paragraph! 

But not with reading fictions, or doing chores. I can read the whole book before doing something else. What is it with me and focusing, utilizing my brains for studying and classes???

I can focus, but I get selective. I dont know. I need to have better self-discipline. At least keeping a routine like normal working days. Even I have problem with normal working days routine. Coming late to work. Spending more time on screen than actually doing my work. 

I need to be self-discipline and stop being lazy. Just fyi, I have TWO more days to ganti puasa! How many days does a human need to be keeping routine anyway? 

So for tonight, I'm going to complete my OSHE assignment, amending a bit on my Research Methodology, planning for my OSHE PMA and start amending reports and slides for my Research Methodology. Yeap, a lot in line. Hope I can be keeping in routine and be a much more disciplined person and utilizing every seconds I have doing beneficial thing and that exclude social medias and games! (or maybe I could reduce the game time instead of eliminating it).

Wasalam. Love, Nina M. 

After so long

I've always been an avid reader. And I read fast. I can finish Harry Potter thick book within 3 days. But what's the use of reading it fast and not understanding it, right? So after years and years of training, I can read fast and able to understand everything in one go.

Around last year, I went out with Anis and I get to drop by at Kinokuniya and I bought two books. One is Uniform Building by Law book and another is a fiction book. And so I thought, I'm gonna read them straight away. But guess what? I just finally open the packaging 3 days ago, lol.

And so, as usual for this book, I finished them in one day. It's not that thick and the story line is legit cool. But the ending was rather disappointing. I miss being so fully immersed in books and my mood was rather uplifted, I mean with this MCO and all. And actually I have few books I bought but never get to read but I left it my parent's house, so...... I might purchase some more online. As much as reading is good, my selection of books is the opposite. I dont read about real life stories. I love fiction more than anything. Something I can imagine and something rather made up. Real life scares me sometimes, I'd rather not dwell myself in it. Issues with myself. But I do read about it sometimes. But something more like chick lit-ty. Close enough, eh? 

But really, working from home, online class, assignments and PMA, well, not the best time to be reading books, right? But what the hell, I need time to get back to my usual self. Reading. Less screen time. Social medias bores me now. I'm more into news thingy nowadays.

And really, I should be appreciating all the time I have now with taking such good care of my skin, I know, but really I am not. Pimples partying, dry patch everywhere. Even my skin is not behaving well. My feet especially. Cracks here and there. Not cool. I should be taking this time to take such good care of it. Y'know, just to make me feel better, for someone that always have skin problems.


Just so you know, MCO is being extended for another two weeks, so..... we can win this! In sha Allah. Okay, I need to get my skin pampered now. And get some rest. I got online class tomorrow morning.

Wasalam. Love, Nina M.

Covid-19: Things I do at home

You know, being at home, 24/7 not being able to go out even for a stroll, its hard to keep your sanity in check. But it needs to be done. You kinda have to keep your mind in positivity and dont let overthinking ruined you. One thing I tried to devote myself to is pray on time. Its because its either I pray late or missed it because of work. I've been trying to fix it and many times I fail also.

It took me days in this RMO to realize that I have all the time I need to focus on my prayer, my family, my household and everything. Most of the times I spend on the screen and it contributes nothing but panic and overthinking. So I realized, why am I still slacking on prayer when I can schedule everything and always keep my prayer in the earliest time? And spend some time reading Al-Quran. Yea, I have the time for that. As long as I keep in tact with my schedule. I can make time to cook, to take care of household, to do most of thing and keep everything in order. Its hard to discipline myself especially when procrastinating is kinda my middle name. I am easily distracted too.

But really, first and foremost, I am going to always pray at the earliest time and never miss a prayer. And then, always keep my schedule like I'm working (especially shower in the early morning because it kinda help to set my mind to a task), except that I'm doing assignments and not working from home. Remind me I still have paper to submit this 30th March 2020 and still ongoing (kinda just start now).

 Things I do at home to keep my sanity in check and reduce screen time.

1. Cooks full course meal, everyday.
2. Ensure my kitchen is nice, clean and full with food.
3. Ensure the cleanliness of the house.
4. Ensure Harris is clean and shower on time.
5. Start weaning off Harris.
6. Potty train Harris.
7. Spend more time reading.
8. Do research and finishing my assignments.
9. Ganti puasa! (4 more days to go)
10. Picnic at the balcony to ensure we all got decent amount of fresh air.

P/s: Laundry is being taken care of my husband since he's the one going out for groceries.

I kinda need to focus doing my report since I just started. I've got like several papers I need to read and need to print them out. It would be unfair to say I'm tired because I've like contributed 15% in focusing to my reports and taking my time off watching tv, updating my blog and all. Damn, I am easily distracted. I just find it so hard to focus. Okay, adios.

Wasalam. Love, Nina M.