Of paper & crayons

Things were too overwhelming last night that I slept at nearly 4am and surprisingly, I am still wide awake now. I was having the worst night, I cried, I sobbed, I doodled, failed to read book, and cried again, and it calls for my mental breakdown medical kit. So I have this one kit, a box generally, a very cute box that contains all of my art things. My stamp pad, crayons, color pencils, gem stickers, thread, washi tapes and everything that makes me feel like decorating something. And the most easiest I would do is doodle and decorating my phone casing. Cute.

So I did all that, blogged, edited few photos, for my desktop wallpaper, phone wallpaper and few other stuffs. Basically just filling my time with arts. I mean, doing arts (eventhough I am not that much creative) makes me feel less anxious and makes me believe that I still have that cheeky cute factor lives deeeeeeeeeeeeeep inside of me instead of someone so bitter and beyond sad.

Yeap, I have quite a collection of crayons and pencil colors. But I hate water color because I suck at it. Even so, I wake up quite early, still reach late at the office (blehhhhh) & dont feel like talking at all. I had coffee and too lazy to do my work even though there's gazillion of things to do. I dont know, I was feeling demotivated and could not figure out the next step of my life, if there is. I hate my job. Of all the jobs in this world and no one would hire me huh.

Oh by the way, Harris eats a lot today and I'm so happy. Its because while in Johor, he's been eating a lot of junk food and denying rice and he never did that before. And today, finally, his appetite came back, alhamdulillah.

I came home feeling so tired but I went straight to the kitchen, clean the house, clear the mess, because a beautiful home gives me serenity, even just a gist of it. Little things that makes me happy.

Harris's asleep now so I guess its my turn anytime soon because I really need a good night's sleep after a short night nap and a long day. And I really hope I can sleep tonight because boy, I am tired.

I just hope I can clear my head because I am beyond sad, beyond overwhelmed. I am drowning in negativity and I dont see my way out of this. Yelp.

That swollen eyes and puffy cheeks. Just hoping I wont be crying my eyeballs out again tonight. Wasalam. Love, Nina M.