Happiness

Personally, I wouldnt say I'm in a much better state. I'm still lost, still amiss, still foggy on my future path. But really, as long as I dont come across news that will trigger my anxiety to the end of the world or something like that. I mean, I have to always share myself happy things. Find things to make me happy. But I guess, once in a while its fine, I can be happy. But to remain happy? Tough job. I smile and laugh and be happy at times, but it gets depressing when sometimes I feel like I'm trying, but I may not. Urm, so really, I dont know. It fluctuates and you just dont know when it happens.

I clean the house, cook & do chores for therapy. I keep myself occupied with friends and try to look forward for anything. Yea, I'm struggling. We both are. I guess we just have to be grateful that we still have each other, we have a job, a toddler that we wish we could provide the best of everything for him, a house to stay warm, food on the table and most important, to be alive. 

Finding an objective to move on with your life is not easy. Especially when negative things always come around in your head. I always try to think positively of everything so that only positive things will come to me. But with hurdles, all the hardships, days that we barely had any money, being so tired after stressful days at work, makes it much harder. 

But I have to get up from there, I have to.

28 years of living, and here I am, still struggling with self-identity and life purposes. I should be ashamed.