1 year 6 months

Harris is 1 year and 6 months old and the mother, well, weird to say, down with fever due to what malay said, bengkak susu. I call it weird because it rarely happens now. I usually happens during in confinement. I had that bengkak susu during confinement though but never in a situation that I got so feverish and shivering due to that. But now I am. It was painful. I cant lift my whole left hand. Even touching my left boob would make me scream. It was hella painful. But I didnt suspect anything since Harris's feeding is normal and I feed him with both my breasts. But scared of whatever, I went to the clinic last night to get myself checked. And yeap, I had bengkak susu. Reasons being, I didnt massage the whole boobs so there's clogged somewhere and not the whole boobs being emptied during feeding. So that is why it became so swollen on that particular area only. I went to work yesterday though, in that pain. And it aches like mad. I cried at every single movement of my left arm. A nudge to my boobs was excruciating. I finally gave up and took panadol and it lasted until end of working hours. At home, I shivered. And quickly went to clinic afterwards. I took MC for today since doctor said I need to massage it slowly and tuam with warm water. And drink plenty of plain water because this will make myself dehydrated and massive headaches. And also, I cant be bending down so much, or lifting much weights as it will give pressure to the breasts. I just need rest. 1 year and 6 months of breastfeeding and my milk supply seems a lot still, alhamdulillah.

Working has been tiring for me too. I rarely have time to pump and massage. I would just go home and feed Harris and do chores what not. I am in a very distress state as well. I am in dire need of new job, like so bad. I just want to resign so so bad and just sit at home, managing Harris. Husband advised me to resign too since my health has been depleting lately. For example, why only now that I get this bengkak susu? Its never been a problem to me before. And my stress level is at the top because my period pain was so bad I was screaming for the pain. Today is my 2nd MC for the week though and I know this will look bad to my record but hey, who am I kidding? I am UNWELL. But of course, they wouldnt care. I am considering myself to get masters though, and pursue to be a lecturer. Seriously.

Happy 5 years anniversary husband! 

A throwback photo

And my face has gone nuts. Pimples everywhere. Very horrible. I really want my flawless skin back. Not that very flawless though but enough with no pimples whatsoever should be fine. No dark spots, marks anything. 

Please pray for me that I get a new job. Pretty please. And by the way, I got new nephew! My little brother is now a father. Alhamdulillah. More cousins for Harris yeay. 

Happy Ramadhan to all Muslims. Its our first Ramadhan in our own home and going to be our first Aidilfitri in our own home too. There's so much to tell but I guess I need some rest now. I'm feeling something burning on my breast. 

Wasalam. Love, Nina M.