Useless self

I think that I'm useless. Reading other people's blog, seeing other people's instagram, reality life, everything, makes me wonder, WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?

Seriously, what am I doing at the office nearly 10 hours a day, working but y'know I'm free most of the time, so what exactly am I doing????

Really Amalina, what the hell are you doing with your life??? Yet, I still question myself, why am I still just a typical Amalina, not the super rich, awesome, charming, good at friggin something kind of Amalina? Oh for crying out loud, I am just me. Boring self. Blogged for almost 10 years but still suck at it? Bowled for 10 years, and still suck at it too? Studying for almost a lifetime, still suck at it too. Really?

To be honest, I dont know what am I doing with my life anymore? I am at a phase where I would just, urm no, I'm not gonna do anything. Really, I'm at my down phase. My literally dont-give-a-damn phase. I'm so far from being a supermom. Or superwoman. Or anything super. I am just, me. And yeap, still broke, still mad at myself, still thinks myself is ugly, still thinks I am useless. I mean, for god's sake, I am useless!

I am not making super progress at work. Still actively looking for a new job though. (Ring me for any vacancy for M&E Engineer, guys, please!). I dont really do well in being a housewife too. Or in sports. The only sports I'm still attached with is bowling. And for crying out loud, I dont know how long I havent been practicing. I mean, I do bowl once in a while, but just for fun.

I am starting question my existence.

Really guysssssss, I feel useless tahu tak. I dont know what I'm good at. I dont know what I should venture into. I dont know how to direct my life. I am living my life aimlessly. Working for sustaining life, in providing all necessities for my family.

Really, I lost myself. (Really, how many times did I mention really already, really messed up)

Should I pursue my studies? Get PHD, and become lecturer? Should I start doing business? Should I? I dont know what I should do, what I'm good at, I dont even know!

Probably I'm just good at blabbering, talking non-stop. Guys, I'm ugly, with skin condition. I really have no self-esteem. Weyyyy I'm 27 and I still have this issues?????? No joke la Amalina.

I REALLY NEED TO SORT MY LIFE OUT. SERIOUSLY. Or just be thankful with whatever I have, I dont know.

Life is so hard. No wonder I wanted to stop living. Eh no, still wants it. Still want to die.

Wasalam. Love, Nina M.