Its the second week of Ramadhan

Fasting for the first 7 days of Ramadhan and currently not fasting due to period and advised by the doctor to not fast until this bengkak susu subsides and God knows when I will be able to. There's nothing much to update though but really, life has really taken its toll on me. I barely have time for blogs. I am always on the phone, working, instagram-ing, twitter-ing, youtube-ing, until I grow bored. Well, I spend most of the time playing Candy Crush, especially during working hours. I tried as much to not be on the phone after working hours because 1. Its the only time I get to spend time with Harris & husband before bed time 2. Because I want to watch tv 3. I dont want to pick up any calls or reading/replying any work-related messages (I assure you, my bosses do call & text me after working hours). So yeap, and also because I am now busy managing a home, preparing food for break fast etc. I love being occupied like that. Its a great feeling. Well, what's not great is seeing your kid trashing the house with legos, foods, toys on the floor after you clean. But what the hell, I am trying so hard to calm myself and let my kid be with his imagination. Harris's such a big boy now y'know. He sleeps late, dont want to wake up early in the morning. Goshh, he's like a teenager now. Ya ya, he sleeps on his own bed now. No more sharing beds with me throughout first half of the night, approximately 4 hours? Because usually when its feeding time, he would climb onto my bed in the middle of the night. 

I've been situated at site for 5 months now. And there's so much going on and I am unhappy. I'm feeling very dreadful every single day to work and I somehow think its affecting my health now. Is it? Seems like it. I am not happy with my job, I didnt get any job offer elsewhere.Its frustrating. And I dont know how else I am going to find a job. I just want to do whatever I am happy with. And my job is not. I am not happy with my life. My pimples are partying like mad, dark spots everywhere, new pimple each day, every parts of my face. I dont know how else to do, what skincare to use, etc. 

Financially? Still unhappy. I'm not seeing any sparks or fireworks in my bank account. Which is very disappointing. And guess what? Its highly possible that we might not get bonus for raya this year since boss is quite unhappy with site progress and condition so yeap, double the trouble. But I hope we all get it. Sonia resigned by the way, yesterday was her last day. And left just me and ummu. I really want to resign. Seriously though, I am unhappy. Very unhappy.

I bought a car though. And I might be getting it by end of the month. Congratulations for me, I am now officially in debt. And the commitment is quite high monthly. Very quite high. And I definitely cant resign now. Which makes me want to cry so much. But what the hell, none of it matters right?

Anyways, whatever I'm blabbing here right now is just a mere update of a lot of things. So today, I'm going to break fast at my parent's house since I cant cook. I should be getting ready, husband's going to arrive any time now and I bet he's gonna be pissed if seeing me like this (since he called asking me to get ready to go to bazaar 15 minutes ago). So okay, bye bye.

Wasalam. Love, Nina M. 

1 year 6 months

Harris is 1 year and 6 months old and the mother, well, weird to say, down with fever due to what malay said, bengkak susu. I call it weird because it rarely happens now. I usually happens during in confinement. I had that bengkak susu during confinement though but never in a situation that I got so feverish and shivering due to that. But now I am. It was painful. I cant lift my whole left hand. Even touching my left boob would make me scream. It was hella painful. But I didnt suspect anything since Harris's feeding is normal and I feed him with both my breasts. But scared of whatever, I went to the clinic last night to get myself checked. And yeap, I had bengkak susu. Reasons being, I didnt massage the whole boobs so there's clogged somewhere and not the whole boobs being emptied during feeding. So that is why it became so swollen on that particular area only. I went to work yesterday though, in that pain. And it aches like mad. I cried at every single movement of my left arm. A nudge to my boobs was excruciating. I finally gave up and took panadol and it lasted until end of working hours. At home, I shivered. And quickly went to clinic afterwards. I took MC for today since doctor said I need to massage it slowly and tuam with warm water. And drink plenty of plain water because this will make myself dehydrated and massive headaches. And also, I cant be bending down so much, or lifting much weights as it will give pressure to the breasts. I just need rest. 1 year and 6 months of breastfeeding and my milk supply seems a lot still, alhamdulillah.

Working has been tiring for me too. I rarely have time to pump and massage. I would just go home and feed Harris and do chores what not. I am in a very distress state as well. I am in dire need of new job, like so bad. I just want to resign so so bad and just sit at home, managing Harris. Husband advised me to resign too since my health has been depleting lately. For example, why only now that I get this bengkak susu? Its never been a problem to me before. And my stress level is at the top because my period pain was so bad I was screaming for the pain. Today is my 2nd MC for the week though and I know this will look bad to my record but hey, who am I kidding? I am UNWELL. But of course, they wouldnt care. I am considering myself to get masters though, and pursue to be a lecturer. Seriously.

Happy 5 years anniversary husband! 

A throwback photo

And my face has gone nuts. Pimples everywhere. Very horrible. I really want my flawless skin back. Not that very flawless though but enough with no pimples whatsoever should be fine. No dark spots, marks anything. 

Please pray for me that I get a new job. Pretty please. And by the way, I got new nephew! My little brother is now a father. Alhamdulillah. More cousins for Harris yeay. 

Happy Ramadhan to all Muslims. Its our first Ramadhan in our own home and going to be our first Aidilfitri in our own home too. There's so much to tell but I guess I need some rest now. I'm feeling something burning on my breast. 

Wasalam. Love, Nina M.